An obscenely opulent mansion. Desperate tears. An attitude problem. No, this wasn’t the latest installment of “Sheen’s Korner.” THIS … was “American Idol: The Results!”
Despite the fact that the judges rounded the finalists up to a baker’s dozen this year, the graphics at the top of the show made it clear that only one contestant would receive walking papers this week.
Read also: 5 Reasons 'American Idol' Surprised Us All — and Bounced Back
So why were there only 12 Idols on stage? Apparently, Casey Abrams was in the hospital again. While Seacrest didn’t offer many details, TMZ reports that he was rushed there due to severe stomach pains. It is unclear whether said stomach pains stemmed from witnessing Naima’s nausea-inducing dance moves on Wednesday or something more serious.
Get better, Casey!
Seacrest announced that The Judges’ Save is back in effect this year, giving the contestant with the lowest number of votes another chance to sing for his or her life. It can only be used once during the season until we get to the Top 5 and the decision must be unanimous.
The Idols started off the show with a marginally entertaining Michael Jackson medley, featuring “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’,” “P.Y.T.,” “Black or White” and “Man in the Mirror.” I can’t be 100% sure, but it seemed that the solo lines were prerecorded and the group backup singing was live.
Ashthon Jones and Naima Adedapo were the standouts vocally, while Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina seemed the most out of their element. In fact, Lauren’s solo vocals again bordered on (gasp!) less-than-stellar. Jacob Lusk’s dance steps were straight out of an Ebenezer Baptist faith healing; I expected him to start singing in tongues at any given moment.
The kids have been busy this week! Not only did they rehearse the butchering of their role models’ songs via “disco remix” but they also had to perfect the awkward NKOTB group hand-waving choreographed into “Man in the Mirror.” Throw in the first Ford music video of the season and their celebrity interactions at the “Red Riding Hood” premiere and you’ve got a full calendar. I can’t wait to see what develops between Paul McDonald and actress Nikki Reed!
The results show is infamous for being painfully long, but thanks in part to performances by Diddy Dirty Money and Season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert, the episode actually flew by. The schedule was so tight, in fact, that it barely left time for the big questions. Did J. Lo feel awkward in the presence of Diddy? Could Glambert really get away with that fancy cocktail ring?
As for the results themselves, Seacrest hasn’t lost his ability to execute his cruel fake-outs. What he has lost is the extraneous time it usually takes to deliver the news. Instead of going through contestant after contestant, he cut to the chase.
Up first were Jacob Lusk, Karen Rodriguez and Stefano Langone. Jacob admitted that he “definitely messed up” on “I Believe I Can Fly,” while Karen blamed “technical difficulties” for her tepid rendition of “I Could Fall in Love.” Wild Card pick Stefano, on the other hand, was just grateful to be in the Top 13.
Ryan put the trio out of their misery. “You are all safe,” he announced. Lusk and Langone hugged and a relieved Rodriguez beamed. Then the kicker: “Except Karen.”
Burn!
Glambert performed a fireworks-free acoustic version of “Aftermath,” with proceeds from the song going to the Trevor Project. Afterwards, Lauren Alaina, Ashthon Jones and Haley Reinhart learned their fates. Fighting emotion, Lauren apologized for her performance of “Any Man of Mine,” saying that it “kinda sucked.” The audience, of course, met these remarks with the requisite amount of sympathetic “aww’s” and ate up her country congeniality.
“Unfortunately, darling,” started Seacrest, “you are gonna have to endure more stress.” Oh, Ryan!
Wild Card Ashthon conceded that she should’ve chosen a song that everybody knows instead of the Diana Ross tune “When You Tell Me That You Love Me.” Haley wasn’t as modest. The judges discussed her identity crisis, whose symptoms were going from R&B to country to looking like a “young Stevie Nicks.” She simply shrugged with an attitude bordering on insolent and said, “I like to switch it up a lot.”
Ryan laid down the verdict: “Ashthon, sorry to tell you that you are in the Bottom 3 tonight … along with Haley.”
What?!
After Diddy Dirty Money’s performance of “Coming Home” and some Diddy words of wisdom (Practice, believe in yourself, blah, blah, blah), it was time to reveal the contestant with the least amount of votes. Not surprisingly, it was Wild Card pick Ashthon. She didn’t appeal to America last week and apparently she didn’t make any headway this week either.
She chose to sing her Diana Ross song again, but not before breaking down. Poor thing! This was the second time in a week that she had to sing for a reprieve from the judges. And did anyone actually think they’d use the Judges’ Save on the very first opportunity? Especially on a contestant whom America has repeatedly ignored?
The pressure caused her to break down beforehand but her nerves didn’t keep her from delivering a great performance. In fact, it sounded better than it did on Wednesday.
Would it be enough to earn yet another pardon from the judges?
Lopez was tasked with announcing the unanimous verdict: “Not this time, baby. I’m sorry.”
A package of Ashthon’s journey played to “Don’t You Forget About Me,” a cover compliments of Season 7 winner David Cook. Hey, at least she got to sing for Berry Gordy.
