Like Oprah or those “What Not to Wear” people, “American Idol” has harnessed
its power to help those who really need it — and I don’t mean Coca-Cola or the
Ford Motor Company. I’m talking, of course, about the devastation in Japan. Viewers can purchase Wednesday night’s performance songs on iTunes, with profits going to Red Cross relief efforts.
Japan wasn’t the only recipient of charity. The performers deserved more reproach than they received from the judges. While the contestants remain outrageously talented, “Songs From the Year You Were Born” was also outrageously boring. Casey Abrams tried something different with Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" — but that doesn't mean it was good.
NAIMA ADEDAPO “What’s Love Got to Do With It” by Tina Turner (1984)
How could Naima possibly top the spectacle that was last week’s raindance? Well, maybe her backstory would serve as foreshadowing. When she was a baby, her jazz vocalist mother used to carry Naima on her back as she performed. Now that she is a mother herself, she says the hardest part of the show is being away from her own kids, ages 1 and 3. Obviously she was going to parade her babies out in a papoose as she sang, right? No such luck, though an added physical strain would’ve been a viable scapegoat for her pitch problems. J. Lo and Randy called her out on her consistent problems, but Steven thought the song was beautiful, commenting that she’s “got a sorcerer’s grasp of melody.” Hmmm,
looks like somebody needs to go back to Hogwarts.
PAUL MCDONALD “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues” by Elton
John (1984)
Maybe it’s the blindingly white, movie-star teeth, but Paul looks an awful lot like Bradley Cooper in a bolo tie. Not that I’m complaining. His good looks and quirky fashion sense are the perfect additions to his incomparable voice and arthritic-sexy dance moves. In fact, Jimmy Iovine paid him a huge compliment by saying that he was made to sing his own music instead of covers. He is one of my favorites. That being said, this performance had me wanting to change the channel halfway through. It was just OK, dawg. Randy loves that he makes whatever he sings his own and Steven thinks his swagger is “way cool.”
THIA MEGIA “Colors of the Wind” by Vanessa Williams (1995)
The fact that this song was released the year Thia was born had me wondering if I should expect AARP literature in my mailbox soon. The 15-year-old has been writing songs since she was 6 (way back in 2001) and it shows. In fact, it seems as if she has been training for fame — or Miss America — her whole life. She even had a spiel about how the “lyrics suited perfectly with what’s going on in the world today.” Huh? Last week I made the “Toddlers & Tiaras” comparisons and she did nothing to sway that opinion this week. Even Randy felt like he was “at some pageant somewhere.” She sings beautifully but she needs to get out of her box. On the bright side, though, if “Idol” doesn’t work out, there’s always America’s Junior Miss.
JAMES DURBIN “I’ll Be There for You” by Bon Jovi (1989)
While very rock ‘n’ roll, the married Durbin wants everyone to know that he “ain’t kissin’ nobody” and “ain’t touchin’ nobody.” This kid is growing on me. He utilizes the stage like a true rock star, high-fiving spectators and singing into the lead guitarist’s face. Unlike Season 8’s Adam Lambert (or this year’s Jacob Lusk), though, Durbin is learning to rein himself in when it comes to oversinging. We know he has a crazy range; he doesn’t have to use it every time. So, why didn’t he earn extra points by choosing “Love in an Elevator” or “Janie’s Got a Gun?” A confident Durbin says he’s saving the Aerosmith for the finale. Steven ate that up, promising that he would come up and sing it with him and marveling that “that man has a rich vein of inner crazy.” Ah, kindred spirits. Maybe next week they’ll
exchange friendship piercings.
HALEY REINHART “I’m Your Baby Tonight” by Whitney Houston (1990)
The identity crisis continues. After last week’s country song, Reinhart jetted to the
opposite end of the spectrum with a slurring, jazzy interpretation of Ms. Houston. She has the most unique voice out of all the women, yet her body language and lack of commitment to a single genre detract from her performances. Lopez noted that her blocking was very stiff and premeditated, while Randy was just left confused by her song choices. Steven is still waiting to hear the Janis Joplin style that she auditioned with, but I don’t think he’ll get the chance. My guess is that Haley will be the one to leave this week. If she does squeak by, though, expect her to sing a Norwegian hymn from the 19th Century; that is perhaps the only genre she has yet to tackle.
STEFANO LANGONE “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” by Simply Red (1989)
Stefano sarcastically bemoaned the lack of quality music circa 1989, citing guilty pleasures like Milli Vanilli and Tone Loc and unfairly lumping them in with the virtuosic New Kids on the Block. Finally, he found a song that was worthy of “Idol.” His pure voice had Lopez singing along and declaring that he “could take this thing.” Randy called it the “best performance of the night so far” even though it had the highest degree of difficulty. Yes, Stefano is a good singer. But “take this thing?” I don’t think so. He needs to work on his sparkle a bit, as this performance was as dull as Thia’s or Naima’s. People want their Idol to be more than “cute” and “sweet.” (See: Kris Allen’s total lack of world domination)
PIA TOSCANO “Where Do Broken Hearts Go” by Whitney Houston (1988)
When Pia was a child, the only way her dad could comfort her was to videotape her singing. Somehow, though, she doesn’t come off as Stepford-like as Thia, even after attending a performing arts high school. She’s not a pageant queen; she’s a true diva minus the diva-like attitude. J. Lo was glad to hear her “do something uptempo,” even though Pia was basically just singing a ballad to an annoying remix beat. “Pia is in the competition to win it!” proclaimed Randy. “You,” said Tyler, “are why this show is called ‘American Idol.’” No pressure. I can’t wait to see what she pulls out next week. I’m thinking Christina Aguilera?
SCOTTY MCCREERY “Can I Trust You With My Heart” by Travis Tritt (1993)
“Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low.” These lyrics have become a running joke on “Idol” this season thanks to Scotty’s seemingly limited repertoire. We even got to hear his parents have a go at them. But long before crooning those lines, he busied himself by perfecting his Elvis impersonation, complete with lip curl and black wig. These days Scotty is more interested in perfecting his own image, which involves “staying country and pushing himself.” Like many of the other performances, this one was a little bland but there is no denying McCreery’s voice. “You can sing anything,” said Randy. He and Steven
encouraged him to keep on truckin’ and following the same path.
KAREN RODRIGUEZ “Love Will Lead You Back” by Taylor Dayne (1989)
Karen doesn’t want to be pigeonholed! America needs to know that she can do more than sing in Spanish! Obviously, the best way to show this is to sing Taylor Dayne while wearing a futuristic go-go dancer getup. And then, once the key changes, switch over to Spanish. Whatever. I personally love it when she sings in Spanish and I think it’s a very smart move. I’m not sure it will be enough to save her again this week, though. Jennifer warned not to expose her weakness by trying for notes that are out of reach. Steven, in his very PC way, said that he loves it when she breaks into her “ethnic-what-it-is-ness.”
CASEY ABRAMS “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana (1991)
As much as I love Casey, I’ll be having nightmares about this performance for weeks. (Time to pull out the David Archuleta nightlite again!) This song was definitely a risk. As he said, “it defines a generation.” But Nirvana was so anti-pop that it seems strange to perform it on “American Idol.” It also seems strange to perform it with a crazed, sinister look in your eye as an unflattering yellow light bathes the stage. J. Lo warned about the screechiness, saying that “it still has to sound pleasant.” Steven thinks that his talent and his craziness are a perfect match, while Randy likes his fearlessness. It was a bit odd, but like Naima’s
raindance last week, it was nice to see something completely different on “Idol”
for a change.
LAUREN ALAINA “I’m the Only One” by Melissa Etheridge (1994)
Sometimes I think it would be better for Lauren if they would skip talking to her and just get straight to the singing. Her personality can be cloyingly saccharine, especially when it comes to her overfamiliarity with Ryan. This makes more sense after seeing her mom who, clad in hot pink and a newsboy cap, looked like a tween extra from “Hannah Montana.” Regardless, the girl can sing. Despite battling the flu, she pranced around the stage like a show pony and delivered. She needs to work on (read: avoid) her lower range at all costs in favor of her belt, as soft and low doesn’t do her any favors. Randy made it official: “She’s
back.”
JACOB LUSK “Alone” by Heart (1987)
This song seems to make the rounds every season but Jacob was the last person I expected to tackle it. I love that he made an unexpected choice but I’m still not on the bandwagon. Despite his exhausting vocal aerobics, he is always pitchy. In fact, Lopez was rocking out until his notes after the key change literally made her wince. Randy said that his pitch was all over the place, yet in the next breath proclaimed that “Jacob is in it to win it!” Steven made some incoherent statement about gospel having a baby and naming it Jacob, which I think means that he liked it.
