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Sex on the Set, Part 2: How Fake Is It, Really?
"Part of your brain screams, If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, isn’t it a duck?"
Related
Slideshow
Since Arsenio Hall's groundbreaking show went off the air in the late 1990s, others have tried to diversify the late-night airwaves, with mixed results. Three new shows are tackling the issue again. Read more.
(See Part 1: "Sex Scenes Make Treacherous Terrain for Actors")
Sam Mendes couldn’t stomach watching wife Kate Winslet’s love scene with Leonardo DiCaprio on the set of “Revolutionary Road,” even though he was the film’s director. So Mendes viewed the romantic reunion of the “Titanic” duo on a video monitor in a neighboring room, shouting out suggestions from afar.
Mendes may have been wise to keep his distance. Later, Winslet told reporters she was pleasantly surprised to find her chemistry with DiCaprio so powerful they could just “slip right into it, like muscle memory."
When they’re honest with themselves, actors generally admit that any butterflies they feel while in the middle of a torrid scene with a co-star are usually just an illusion.
But in the heat of the moment, it can be hard to remember that. (See accompanying slideshow: "The Dirty Dozen: 12 Sexiest Scenes of All Time.")
"I’ve had to fight the attraction for the person when I do the scenes where I’m pretending to fall in love with them,” says “Rescue Me’s” Diane Farr. “You end up doing something you actually do with your real life partner. You might move your leg a certain way. But you’re the only person that knows that’s your actual authentic behavior.
“You end up feeling very close to these people because they’ve seen you do something very private. But it’s not private.”
This realization led Farr to reach out to the girlfriend of her on-screen love interest in “Rescue Me,” writing her a note. “It said, ‘Hi. I’m Diane and I’m totally not interested in your boyfriend.’ She really seemed to appreciate that.”
Most actors take it upon themselves to look out for the feelings of their real-life mates.
Pamela Adlon, who plays Evan Handler’s feisty wife on “Californication,” has stumbled upon a way to make her on-screen sex scenes non-threatening to her husband: When the episode airs, her proper British mother comes over to watch.
“My mom sits there and says, ‘Oh, it’s lovely. You look very nice,’” Adlon says, explaining that the seating plan -- Adlon on the couch, bookended by her husband and mum -- throws cold water on even the steamiest encounter.
For Handler, it’s laughter that gets him and his wife past the raunchiest scenes, like the one from “Californication’s” last season in which Handler’s character pinch-hits for a porn star. First Adlon ducks between his legs to (ahem) start the engine. Then the revved-up Handler walks over to a young actress perched atop a desk and thrusts mightily into her naked loins.
The camera lingers on his contorted face.
Scenes like this one give his wife pause, Handler says. “Some of it makes her a little queasy. But it makes me a little queasy to see myself doing that stuff,” he adds, joking, “We tend to have sex 10 to 20 times the day before I have to do one of those scenes.”
In the end, it seems the most successful relationships between actors thrive by maintaining a sort of Jedi mind trick of perpetual disbelief.
Comments
Interesting Says
NIce article and interesting debate on both sides.
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Angelie Jolie... wanna act Says
Don't have experience or credentials, but I will travel to any location at any time to "act" with you!
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JoeC Says
I've done sex scenes in plays, not on film. In a play you rehears... a lot. We were partly clothed during the scene with nude colored bits. But they were pretty scant.
The first time is mechanical and fully clothed - it's called blocking the scene. There may be some giggles but nothing happens. The second time again fully clothed and maybe still on script. After that it's down to business but still in street clothes until dress.
Frankly, the first time off script was very hot and I got arroused. But THAT part wore off more and more with each rehearsal. Full dress rehearsal, again arroused. But when my counterpart asked "is that going to be there on openning night?" it pretty much killed it. It was an appropriate question because "little Joey" needed to be worked around! The nude colored body sock kept him in place mostly but still there was something to deal with.
So openning night my friend was not there.
Now I do have to say that this is a serious trick! If you are a good actor you get into the scene and you make yourself believe what you are doing is real while you are doing it. So arrousal without THAT attribute is something that not only is hard to do BUT it's a bad habit to practice much! I'm older now and a firm believer that all that acting was why I have to slip some Cialis or Viagra into every date night now.
Amanda Says
@Kim Danvers:
There are flesh-toned (albeit very small) undergarments for some scenes~some are very realistic looking.
And for men, they have a thing called~no joke~a c**k sock.
They shoot the close-ups first, and then they put on these small scraps of fabric.
Obviously, they don't ALWAYS do this, but Kate Beckinsale (the Underworld series, Pearl Harbor) has talked very candidly about them~her husband directed the Underworld series, including some sex scenes between her and another actor.
Kaybee Glide Says
I think the key is to be married or at least "in-love" with your true love partner. Most individuals, including actors, marry or love simply because the person they are next too are present in their lives AT THAT TIME....meaning the person's carrer is hot and on the rise or they know that this movie with this person, if acted and done correctly, will impress at the box office. Everybody goes thru things in relationships but if that person is TRULY your mate and the love of your life, nothing else would matter.
bill Says
so, do actors have sex or just fake it?? The articles were not clear on that at all?
Kim Danvers Says
Any woman who has ever faked an orgasm knows that you can "act" having sex. What I want to know is how are the actors' private parts protected from contact when the sex scene shows a woman with her legs wide open (and seemingly nude) wnd the man is very much between her legs (and also seemingly nude)?
Kris11 Says
I wish they still made movies like in the 40's & 50's. Where the intimate scenes were only kissing and inuendo leading you to fantasize what happened when the bedroom door closed. Passionate kisses and hugs were all you got. But even the sensorship back then didn't stop infedelity off scene. It starts with the relationship these people have with their significant others. Look at Leaann Rimes and Eddie, that lifetime movie love scene wasn't all that sexy, they only kissed a couple times and yet they seemed to have forged this great love and broke up a seemingly secure marriage. Its how these people spend their time behind the scenes that changes their marriages or relationships. Do they act responsibly and stay loyal to their vows. If not, those relationships were already on the rocks before the movie sex scene.
Rock Says
I bone whomever I want. Love stinks. Sex rules!
TCHDRAMA Says
Been there, done that, ruined one relationship over it.
just acting Says
I tried to tell my wife the sex I was having with the other lady was acting she did not believe me I hope she reads this article.
Francis Says
Basically,you are a prostitute.Color it any way you want. If my wife decided to that,I would be in divorce court.
Tomo Says
How can someone switch off. I mean if I was an actor and they asked me to do a love scene where a passionately kiss a beautiful woman, and grope her etc., it's boner city man! How on earth am I supposed to not get aroused??? It's natural to get aroused. I don't think intimacy like that can be faked. While you may be trying to 'act' your body erally thinks that it's on!
I appreciate that this article also hints at this fact.
Oh and Bill Jonhson, I feel for you man. Stay strong!
Rev.Smith Says
Just like sex itself, some people have the ability to separate the mental aspect of sex and the biomechanical. Case in point, while many men and women aren't aware/familiar with it, it's possible for a man to have an orgasm, during sex, without ejaculation - by choice (and by a fair bit of mental & physical control), every time: A clear division between biomechanical and mental/sensation.
An actor's tools are her mind, body and voice. Like the messfree orgasm, some actors are fully in-control of their tools, and can disengage the emotional/mind from the body and voice -i.e. can ACT sex scenes without getting hot or bothered, because they are merely good at their job*.
Job vs life. It's not rocket science: NASCAR drivers don't speed on the way home, cops don't arrest their kids for breaking house rules, preachers do have sex (how else the cliche Preacher's Daughter?, I might ask you) and Viola didn't really make love to Olivia while dressed as Caesario. (see also: Lavender Marriages, Rock Hudson, Megan Fox, Cary Grant, Cynthia Nixon, et al)
Aquinas, and others aligned in that purityrannical way: In a world with no sex in visual storytelling, -even aside from the question of how would you show the great romance tales**- how would you propose teaching, or even bringing up for discussion, healthy sexual relations? How would a married man or woman, in all respects but sexually, even have a chance to see the possibilities of warm, passionate, physical love? Books often are lacking, and a lecture about healthy sex would be 100% anti-productive.
Open communication is the best tool for a healthier vision of humanity, not sexophobic isolation and certainly not censorship.
**= When Harry Met Sally: without the sex? Really?? (And this film nicely shows how copulation does no injustice to humanity: instead, it shows truth. )
Augustine Etoh.. Nigeria. Says
Well very nice article and timely too.hope the concerned wives and husbands or boy friends and girlfriends of this sex stars are reading this.
JR Says
I have always wondered about those sex scenes. Especially how the males are able to control that normal reaction of the male genitalia when it gets aroused, if you get my drift!
Su Mongo Says
I wonder in what century (and within what orthodox, fundementalist cathedral, mosque or zynagogue) the prior commenter "Aquinas" is apparently marooned. I also wonder how s/he feesl so uniquely qulified to lecture the rest of us on what s/he has decided are the only proper purposes of sex, and on what constitutes what is allowable (presumably for the rest of us) to see within the context of a cinema film, television programme or theatrical play. Completely missing from his/her bizarre assertions of course are ANY reasonable explanations as to how gay and lesbian actors (of which there is certainly no shortage) manage not only to fake heterosexual passion on-screen, but quite frequently in real [closeted] life. If Aquinas does not appreciate the [presumably plot-driven] appearance of "fake passion" within theatrical contexts, s/he is certainly more than welcome to sit at home knitting, but is clearly neither in an informed position to make cultural critiques, nor someone anyone with even a shred of logic and common sense would take seriously for a nanosecond.
Jeff Says
Nice piece. But perhaps the real danger of being in a long-term relationship with an actor is the possibility that he or she is "acting" with you.
Aquinas Says
Fascinating article. This all points to the irrefutable fact that the body speaks a language. Sex is designed for two things: babies and bonding. Anything beyond that is not a proper use, but an abuse. As much as the industry wants to rationalize any and all behavior surrounding this issue, one cannot "fake" what we are wired to experience naturally. We are not animals, and to reduce the sexual act to mere copulation (as so many films, shows, etc. do) does a terrible injustice to the human person.
I hold tremendous respect for actors who refuse to do love scenes because they realize how dangerous those scenes are. Perhaps if we were exposed to less sexuality on screen we would all have a healthier vision of it, and by extension, the human person. After all, sex is not what we do, it's who we are as male and female.
Bill Johnson Says
My wife of 10 years left me for the man she had a sex scene with in a pilot. I wish this was a joke. I wish this was somehow funny. But it's not. They were both good actors. They did the job so well they convinced the director and crew and each other the feelings they were paid to portray were real.
They were excellent actors. They were terrible spouses. They weren't good adults. Now they sit their with a baby neither had planned and wonder what happened.
All of this is true.
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