Stand Your Parking Space!

Guest blog: "We were outside Selena Gomez's Malibu birthday party; I took out my gun — well, that persuaded the punk to leave so I could park my limo"

When you ride in my limo, it’s my responsibility to deliver you to your after-party safely. So I carry a gun.

Some people don’t like hearing that. And I don’t make a big fuss about it. But what makes America No. 1? It’s because of what we stand for. A beacon of quality content we provide the world. And how good would Uncle Sam’s content be — the TV shows and the movies — if you took out the guns. And all the creative artists and visionary marketing executives who make that content — how safe would they be, if I don’t have a gun to protect them?

That’s why California needs a Stand Your Parking Space Law.

The issue arose just the other night. I was taking a client up to Malibu for Selena Gomez’s birthday party at the Revolve Beach House. That’s an isolated location in Point Dume. The event was crowded with some of our country’s highest-grossing, 20-year-old film and recording artists whose right to be safe and secure inside their own party beach house is guaranteed in our Constitution.

After dropping off my client, I was cruising down the road looking for a place to park my limo. I was nosing into a space when I noticed a kid standing in it. He was wearing a hoodie and sipping from a Big Gulp, so he was instantly suspicious.

I told him outsiders weren’t welcome here if he they weren't on the guest list, that he was blocking a parking space for my limo. I asked him to move along.

But you know these punks. He said he had as much right to be here as me. Things started to escalate. I was sure he was going to attack me. So I took out my gun. Well, that persuaded him to leave so I could park my limo.

If he kept threatening me, though, I feel like I should have the right to shoot him. I was in mortal fear of losing my parking space.

I hope you’ll sign my on-line petition.