The end of the year inevitably brings lists – good, bad, most likely to, award guesses, ones to watch, ones to ignore.
I don’t like lists. If I make one before I go shopping, I either forget it at home or forget to look at. So why would I make a list of what I’ve liked this year, since I’ve already overshared my thoughts here aplenty? But there’s this kind of gravitational pull to do some sort of wrap up of the year so I decided to un-list some random thoughts about pop culture, in a sort of year end confessional or a Festivus airing of grievances, if you want to get religious.
1. Awards Season: It’s always kind of strange when a movie or TV show comes out and everyone just starts hashtagging it as a contender, without even allowing it to register with an actual audience first. It’s like the awards shows must be feed, even if no one’s interested. This year, I don’t think I’ve seen or will see any of the nominees, outside of Coppola’s Somewhere so it’s just the spectacle of pretty people in shiny clothes. I’m sure the winners don’t care if they’re in a strong, competitive year or junior varsity but it certainly affects my interest level in the actual shows. But just as I start to work up to a righteous rant, I’m distracted by someone’s obvious Botoxing or disinterested date and it’s all irrelevant.
2. Jolie-Pitts: It’s been years, you’re already an old non-married couple and I still can’t get enough. I want to see Shiloh’s boy clothes, Zahara’s grin, the twins’ duck-like faces, Mad and Pax’s hair but most of all I want to see you just radiating an almost WMD-type of glamour on the red carpet. I don’t want to see you in movies because let’s face it, neither of you are giving Streep or Nicholson a run for their money. I just want to see you in interviews, talking about how ordinary your lives are or even better, in pictures, where strangers can analyze if you’re still together or breaking up. If the New Year brings a fresh bundle of joy from India, all the better for us and little Ganesa or Jai.
3. Junk Cable: It’s empty calories and I know that in some physiological way, it’s probably detrimental to my health but it’s time to come clean about how much I love junk cable. The unholy trinity created by Bravo, E! and VH1 is nearly impossible to resist and honestly, I’ve stopped trying. It’s like televised crystal meth and Dr. Drew’s powerless against its hold too. The only saving grace is that most of my viewing happens at the gym and I’ve actually lengthened cardio sessions to finish an episode. So in some small way, junk cable giveth while it taketh away.
4. The Kardashians: It’s time to accept that they’re just a part of the 21st century. In fact, I feel that they and the war in Afghanistan have a lot in common for me – I’m not sure why it’s happening, there’s a lot of tribal elements, I’m a little hazy on the specifics, but I know it’s not going away anytime soon.
5. Movie Theaters: My darlings, I’ve abandoned you. In early fall, I was ready to come back but life happens and you’ve been neglected. It’s not that I don’t enjoy your cozy velveteen seats and armrest cupholders or miss your wide screens. I was distressed to find you overrun with bed bugs this summer and that certainly put a damper on our relationship. But now, in the winter of what is probably your discontent, I find it difficult to leave the comfort of my Netflix queue for a $13 seat next to people texting their way through a movie. Are we…over?
6. Netflix: I know you believe in your super secret algorithms for guessing viewing habits but you should know that you’re wrong about 95% of the time. Unlike Amazon, which gets the bigger picture of my likes and dislikes, you seem to narrow things down too much. So let’s get this straight – no, I’m not interested in Bollywood, anything with Bruce Willis (bald or with hair), martial arts in any context or Kathy Griffin and I’d appreciate it if you stop asking.
However and whomever you’re celebrating with, hope that it’s filled with bonus extras. See you in the New Year!
