‘Big Brother’s’ Chima on ‘Real Housewives’: ‘Phaedra Owned This Episode’

In what has become a standard show open, Phaedra came bearing gifts as an apology for the previous episode’s kerfuffle

 

Everybody knows … Phaedra Parks owned this episode … mmmm hmm.

In what has become a standard show open, Phaedra came bearing gifts as an apology for the previous episode’s kerfuffle — this time it was a lopsided cake to make up for the elongated snake Phaedra unleashed on Kandi’s birthday party.

Kandi ate it up, but she wasn’t the one that needed cajoling.

Mama Joyce was not taking Kandi’s calls, and as far as they both knew, NeNe was still driving around Atlanta with her eyeballs in her purse.

Doubting NeNe’s clutched-pearls reaction, Phaedra and Kandi did not understand how the former stripper could be so offended. “You showed your cervix for a quarter, child.” 

Phaedra with one of the many reads of the night …

Read in this case, defined as a taunt or mockery. To tell someone about themselves.

Read in its standard definition: to utter aloud the printed or written words of. That was something Cynthia failed at miserably during her gig as an emcee for the International Interior Design Fashion Show.

A show that honorary housewife Dwight would have described as “a fashion show with no fashions."

How dreadful.

Narrating each piece as the models sashayed down the runway proved difficult as Cynthia mispronounced designers, fumbled over words and yet claimed to be in her element. If “her thing” is reminding us why most models are seen and not heard, she far exceeded expectations.  

Pause (as Bravo is prone to do) for a gratuitous shot of Lawrence, Sheree’s hairstylist, in his latest get-up.

Cutaway to the heels, honey.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand return to gossip. 

Seems NeNe had a dalliance with a Charles Grant while still married to Greg, but Phaedra isn’t one to gossip. Mmmmm hmmmm.

This tabloid tea is stirred further when NeNe is tardy to co-host “my Peter’s” party later in the show. And Kandi, ever-so-sly, sprinkles some questions into the air to keep the sugary sweets swirling.

Cynthia and Malorie — the sisters are still at odds over Peter. Yawn. Malorie is holding Cynthia to her promise that she won’t financially back Peter’s new Bar None venture, especially following the investor’s bounced check.

And Cynthia wants to make sure Malorie won’t bail on The Bailey Agency. The sisters came to an uneasy truce, aided by their mother, but Cynthia would be the only one of that trio to be present at Peter’s unofficial opening of his unfinished bar.

Sheree’s ex-husband Bob Whitfield hasn’t paid child support in 4 years.

A retired football player who refuses to help take care of his children gave no reason for his neglect besides they live in two different households. 

And while Bob may have a home, one of his eyes wanders aimlessly — wondering why Sheree’s mention of child support hit a nerve, evidently the optic nerve; and quickly shot him sideways in a failed escape from that conversation. That poor wonky eye, it darted so fast, Bob didn’t see that water toss coming.

Phaedra has a plan to get Bob and his eye back on track. It involves throwing them in jail if necessary, but Sheree isn’t fully on board. She would like the child support without the hassle, without the courts, but she’ll be happy to have pit-bull Phaedra on her side when she decides not to let the non-payment reach the five-year mark. 

Kim had a sit-down with her eldest daughter Brielle about her fast approaching younger sibling and Kandi made up with Mama Joyce before we hopped in the car with Lawrence and Sheree for a jaunt to the hood for Bar None’s disheveled debut. It was hot and Peter was bothered because his bestie NeNe was late and ruining the “Mahogany” -esque unveiling of his surprise for Cynthia—a portrait of an afro (Cynthia was in it too).

Speculation ran rampant that NeNe was a no-show because she knew her fling Charles was there with his lady, Marlo, but NeNe insisted her delayed entrance couldn’t be helped due to some vague emergency/sense of importance/avoidance of truth/she cheated on Greg and her control top malfunctioned/suspect reason.

Hushed rumors flew around the room, but stopped short of NeNe. Cynthia didn’t say a word about her friend’s lack of support and Peter, normally quick to pounce, withheld the scolding NeNe rightly deserved. He had bigger things to worry about, like bringing the bar up to code before the official launch, getting the A/C turned on, a more uptown location, exposed asbestos …

Nevertheless, Phaedra thinks Bar None should fare just fine. Everyone knows …”hood folks gotta drink too.” Mmmmm hmmm.

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