There was a time when you could go to Disneyland and get a guided tour of the "jungle" on a ride aptly called the Jungle Cruise. You would board a boat (really just a vessel that rode on a track a couple of feet below the surface of the water), and be guided by a seasoned jungle guide (some pimply kid from Orange County hired by Disney) who would fire a gun (a prop cap gun that made a loud noise) at suddenly emerging hippos and indigenous natives (animatronic robots) as you drifted perilously close to a waterfall (OK, that was real).
I was reminded of this ride when I read about TheWrap's recent tour of the Motion Picture Home, guided by MPTF spokesman Ken Scherer (pictured at left, with Ellen Davis). All Ken needed was a pith helmet and khaki shorts. The tour and his words were as robotic and rehearsed as I remember during those visits to Adventureland.
OK, I wasn't there, but I've heard it before. The litany of "tears and heartbreak" when making the decision to close the long-term care unit. The "stick to the script" patter that was faithfully reported in the article.
All great stuff that will be said again for another tour, and in front of a judge one day.
What was interesting, and particularly horrifying, was when Ken broke character to admit that the MPTF did use a prop, and that the prop was "a bad idea."
WTF? So the studio prop cop car, which was painted to look like an LAPD cruiser, was an admitted ploy? Wouldn't this qualify as intentional infliction of emotional distress?
This prop was in full view of elderly residents and family members as they came to visit, or boarded vehicles to be taken to doctor's appointments.
To what end was that cop car there for? Intimidation? I think so!
I've heard that the MPTF claimed it was to protect the facility from those nasty bikers who converge on the Sagebrush Cantina across the street.
Actually, having a group of Hell's Angels running things probably would be a vast improvement. As scary a bunch as they are, they are extremely family-oriented, know what "taking care of our own' means" and probably would hold some great parties in the Jodie Foster Pool.
They couldn't do a worse job than Tillman and Ellis are doing, although you wouldn't find any of them in the company of security guards and tooling around town in tiny hybrids while they spend their lavish salaries and rub elbows with celebrities.
Tour aside, Scherer's admonitions and TheWrap's follow-up on the lies on closure dates started off one hell of a week for us that included the MPTF's renewing of its operating license for another year.
Then, the MPTF published two very expensive ads in Variety. You could hear the crickets when the ads were viewed. I parodied
