Hollywood executives are only good at two things: needlessly remaking old material and acting like God. So when offered the opportunity to contribute to TheWrap.com, it seemed only appropriate that I -- Temp X, King of Hollywood and Hero to the Underemployed -- employ these same concepts in my maiden posting.

The name Lesley Brown probably doesn't mean anything to you. And that's OK. She's a footnote in history as she's the first woman to have a child through in vitro fertilization. In 1978, Mrs. Brown gave birth through a planned Caesarean Section to her daughter, Louise. Last year Lesley and John Brown celebrated Louise's 30th birthday alongside her husband and 2-year-old son. This is all truly a marvel of modern science. (Louise is shown here with her mom and dad in 2003.)

Temp X was recently asked to give the commencement address to the 2009 graduates of Emerson College. This is a decent honor (like most Emerson students, UT-Austin film school was my first choice), but I accepted it anyway. Following is a transcript of that address ...

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Class of 2009:

Sunscreen sucks.