The Mayans assure me that the world is going to come to an end in just a few short years. To that I say, "Bring it on!" I'm actually hoping that due to some miscalculation (i.e., not accounting for Leap Year, abacus problems) will push that date forward to -- oh maybe -- tomorrow?

Some jerkoff named Josh Olson went off the other day because someone he barely knew asked him to read a script. Rather than just let it be, Mr. Olson decided to write an article for the Village Voice (and probably make a couple bucks) about such a violation of his person.

The only thing scarier than Ari Emanuel is Ari Emanuel's Espresso Macchiato (w/three shots). Can Temp X save himself or will he be destroyed like so many others before him?

Temp X
c/o The Hollywood Temp Diaries
123 Fake St.
Hollywood Adjacent, CA 90046

I've been told never to speak ill of Joel McHale since my sister has a bit of a crush on the host of "The Soup" and the upcoming NBC comedy "Community." So before I get started, I want to clarify that this has nothing to do with Joel, just NBC's marketing department.

It appears the Peacock's marketeers are just as incapable as their boss, Ben Silverman.

Lost in the hub bub of Irv Weintraub's now legendary (but painfully out of date) leaked memo of William Morris' executive compensation was the equally intriguing "Third Page."

Industry insiders are obsessed with Pages 1 & 2 that discuss senior management pay packages like Jim Wiatt's $7 million and Dave Wirtschafter's $6 million [Thought: Does the analogy of buying gold-plated deck chairs on the Titanic apply here?].

So sometime between yesterday afternoon when I left my newest mind-numbing Temp gig and this morning when I woke up with a fever of 101, Facebook disabled my account.

It appears that Temp X -- King of Hollywood and Hero to the Underemployed -- was in violation of Facebook's Code of Ethics. I was told as follows ...

The economy continues to worsen. And, with it, anxiety about layoffs is on the rise. You'd like to see a therapist to explain the emotions you're feeling, but you never got health insurance. Instead, you're stuck perusing the web for approximate explanations of your whip-saw moods.

Until now.

Temp X was recently asked to give the commencement address to the 2009 graduates of Emerson College. This is a decent honor (like most Emerson students, UT-Austin film school was my first choice), but I accepted it anyway. Following is a transcript of that address ...

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Class of 2009:

Sunscreen sucks.

The name Lesley Brown probably doesn't mean anything to you. And that's OK. She's a footnote in history as she's the first woman to have a child through in vitro fertilization. In 1978, Mrs. Brown gave birth through a planned Caesarean Section to her daughter, Louise. Last year Lesley and John Brown celebrated Louise's 30th birthday alongside her husband and 2-year-old son. This is all truly a marvel of modern science. (Louise is shown here with her mom and dad in 2003.)