Dailies | Stephen Colbert Pledges Ukrainian Support: ‘The World’s Largest Strategic Reserves of Alcoholism’ (Video)


Comedy Central host picks sides in the fight between Russian and Ukraine

Stephen Colbert officially planted his flag of loyalty in the Ukraine on Thursday, as rebels in the country are rioting to break longstanding political ties with Mother Russia.

It’s a bold announcement from the late night comedian, as both countries are important United States trading partners. After all, “they contain the world’s largest strategic reserves of alcoholism,” Colbert said.

See video: Stephen Colbert on NASA’s Doughnut Discovery: ‘Call Off the Search for Water and Start Looking for a Lake of Coolata’

Unfortunately, the emotional support cannot help the very physical fight. The protestors are outmanned and wildly outgunned — but they are resourceful. The rebels have resorted to making their own catapults to fight against sophisticated weaponry.

But there is a bright side, Colbert said: “Even if they lose the revolution, they’re ready for next season’s Punkin Chunkin.”

See video: Stephen Colbert Pays Homage to Ernest Hemingway by Gun-Toting, Drinking ’til He Pukes

For defense, the underdogs have taken to creating homemade riot gear. At least one was pictured wearing a kitchen colander on his head for protection, leading Colbert to remark, “That helmet is completely impenetrable — unless the police somehow develop hot water technology.”

Regardless, the “Colbert Report” host stands with the “rag tag group” of Ukrainians, proving it by donning a colander of his own behind his anchor desk.

Watch the clip:

  • Steve

    wow this is dumb

  • Here in Kiev

    As an American who lives in Kiev, and see what is happening first hand, I find this distasteful and insensitive.

  • here in Ukraine

    This IS insensitive and distasteful. And the colanders aren’t “home made riot gear”, they are making fun of a piece of the new legislation designed to constrain democratic freedoms.

    • Наталья

      Какие демократические свободы? Вы забыли, что вы , США , самые наглые вруны и захватчики! Нападаете на мирные страны и развязываете там войны! Поддерживаете терроризм во всём мире! И будете говорить о свободе? Россия впереди всех вас!

      • бендеровец

        здохни мразь. Накати вотки і занюхай лаптєм.

  • Ukrainian

    he is fucking dickhead

  • Наталья

    Точно, что клоун! Дебил!

  • anas

    ni puta gracia

  • Thank you for support Ukraine!

    Who is fighting on the streets in Kyiv?

    This is the war of middle class and civil society, freelancers. journalists, NGOs, IT workers, artists, students and old people, who have nothing to lose. Kyiv Euromaidan is a sort of internal domestic exile from a totally fraudulent political and economic system.What intimidation methods were used there?People want freedom – political freedoms (freedom of assembly, freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, right to non discrimination etc.), freedom from Russia and freedom from nepotism which is the current regime. The number of people ready to die for it increases daily.

    After these two months of peaceful protests amidst the passivity of opposition politicians and provocations by the police, the people’s patience became exhausted…

    There is no legal way to cancel unconstitutional laws restricting civil freedoms since the courts in Ukraine are currupt, including the Constitutional Counrt.

    As far as the “radical actions” are concerned: apparently, they were initiated by members of radical right-wing political movements and football fans and provoked by agent-provocateurs of the Ukrainian government and/or of Russia. Yet, because the powers-that-be kept ignoring peaceful protesters for two months, this radicalism spread on masses. Those who protested peacefully became “radicals.” Right now, we do not have “peaceful protesters” and, separately, “radicals;” those are the same people. Also, the extent to which the society supports those who act in a “radical” fashion during the protest rallies is much greater than the support of radical right-wing political forces.

    Plenty of intimidating techniques are used by authorities, some of them really cruel. For example:

    1) use of water cannons against protestors at the negative temperatures

    2) beating of detained protesters

    3) torturing of detained people – e.g. two builders sleeping in nearby building were caught, beaten, undressed and shot in their back with resin projectiles

    4) aimed shooting at journalists with resin projectiles, often aiming at their heads

    5) kidnapping of protesters at hospitals, beating them and afterwards the protesters are brought to police stations

    6) beating of journalists, which bear clear signs of being a journalist

    7) order to hospitals to report to police any injured person

  • Revolution

    this is so disrespectful and impolite!
    People are fighting and dying for their freedom,they don’t want to live with corruption and poverty in the country,they hope in the better future.
    And you are such a “funny” asshole should keep your mouth shut about these people!Слава Україні!

  • Colbert’s aficionado

    Nicely put, Stephen! These idiots who burn police cars and kill policemen are a disgrace to Ukraine. Dumb and dangerous to the rest of the country.

    • бендеровец

      wtf do you know about that, duchebag?

      • :(:(

        Shows a lot of ignorance. Clearly you have no idea what has been going on for decades

        • :(:(

          Ukraine is just fighting for freedom

          • Guest

            freedom from who?

  • бендеровец

    this actually would be funny, if Steve haven’t totally missed the point and the role of kitchenware. But now considering the death toll, it would be wiser to apologize.

  • 88

    laugh weak-willed clowns

    Fucking USA

  • colbert sucks

    хуй бичий

  • :(

    This is totally inappropriate. People are dying and they did that as a statement to the president who won’t allow them to wear headgear or they’ll be put in jail. They’re not stupid alcoholics, they’re fighting for freedom

    • USP

      принят закон, который запрещает носить шлемы на митингах и просто собраниях больше 10ти человек!.Нарушителям грозит тюремный срок. Люди “обходят” закон таким способом и показывают абсурдность этого закона. Выступая в роли “клоунов” они высмеивают таким способом власть, принявшую этот закон. Украинцы и русские обладают хорошим образным мышлением и прекрасно, на подсознательном уровне, улавливают этот сарказм, чего не скажешь об авторе, он примитивный комик.

  • Добрый Русский

    Обидили еврохохлов! Оскорбили их евромайдаунские чувства!!
    Вышел на евромайдан – лохом ты позорным стал!

    Всё, евроинтеграция отменяется! Точнее, “План Б” – евромайдауны захватывают Евросоюз, а затем и Россию! Недовольных сжигают, оставшиеся их слушаются и боятся! Америка за кощунственное отношение к евромайдаунизму уничтожается при помощи стратегических ядерных сил покорённой России. Больно говорить это, но иного выхода нет. И вот тогда наконец исполнится мечта еврохохла!

    • украина

      смотри,а то пена из-зо рта пойдет
      что ты написал тут?Украинцы молодцы- хотят власть сгнившую скинуть.Но нет “умный” русский из России может трезво оценить ситуацию.Похлопаем,господа!

  • From Ukraine ( Kiev)

    You are mentaly sick mr. Stephen Colbert !!!! I am form Ukraine and i live in Kiev where all revolution goes… come here and see what is in reality and then make your stupid show!!! We have 7 people died!!!! Very sad that you laugh about people who fight for freedome!!!