Confused about how Thursday’s Wild Card round will work?

You’re not alone. In fact, it could be that’s just what Fox wants – part of the network’s master plan to drum up viewership.

There’s reason for the confusion. Initially, it was announced that the next-highest vote-getter from each group (essentially the fourth-place contestant) would automatically win a place in the Wild-Card round, going against other contestants chosen by the judges. The judges, not the viewers, would then decide who the top three were.

It’s difficult to say which “Idol” news is bigger this week: the upcoming Wild Card round or the homoerotic photos of Adam Lambert flooding the web.  In either case, today’s biggest story is the last round of semi-final performances.  Here’s how it went down:

“Idol” again took a stab at making us misty-eyed by airing slow-mo clips of the hopefuls crying and whatnot, backed by poignant music. But at least this week’s results show had a bit more meat to it than last week’s.

Let’s get to the good stuff.

The long awaited Wild Card round aired last night, with performances at the top and results at the end of the show – yes, including yet another “shocker.” Don’t you wish Hollywood Week had been this efficient?

The Performances:

Jesse Langseth kicked off the night with a sultry performance of “Tell Me Something Good.”  It was impressive at the time, but fast forward to three minutes later and I could remember neither what she sang nor her name.

First things first: Nice brow lift and new cheeks, Paula! Secondly, thank God for Seacrest! How else would we know to be “extra careful” when dialing the “special number” given to the 13th contestant? No doubt 866-IDOLS-13 got more traffic than usual last night as fans either misdialed or called out of curiosity.

Didn’t have time to vote? That’s OK; just call when you have an emergency requiring “hot horny girls!”

Speaking of sex scandals, the Idols sang songs from the Michael Jackson catalogue.

Seriously, are the producers just making the rules up as they go?

First there was the (supposedly) spur-of-the-moment Top 13. Now comes the Judge’s Save, in which they can overrule one of America’s votes during the season. Yet another way for the judges to push through their favorites.
 

Seacrest promised that it was gonna be a good show and, in the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, suggested that it might get even better after a few pints.

As a card-carrying Kelly, I can attest that this was indeed the case.

I can also tell you that Paula’s brow lift seems to have settled from last week. Lookin’ good, Abdul! Yes, I miss Jorge, but he’s undoubtedly already got some sort of Puerto Rican recording contract courtesy of fans Marc Anthony and J. Lo.

Two things stood out about the opening Travis Tritt “T-R-O-U-B-L-E” number. First of all, did anyone realize before then that the men outnumbered the girls by almost 2 to 1?

America’s gunnin’ for a guy this year.

Secondly, looks like the producers finally got sick of teaching the choreography to Scott MacIntyre and just stuck him behind the piano. How many weeks can they get away with that?

I can’t believe they are still doing that lame melodramatic thing where the judges walk onto stage and are announced. Is this the reason the show is still clocking in at two hours? Ridiculous!

(I also can’t believe Ryan Seacrest made an allusion to oral sex when Paula reached under the desk to get a coloring book for Simon, who was acting “childish,” apparently.)

It was Motown Week! Smokey Robinson was the guest mentor, and the Idols got to travel to Detroit to see where it all began.

Is is really that big of a surprise to anyone that the group numbers on "Idol" are prerecorded? The thought never crossed my mind until last week, when the wannabes were racing all around the stage -- They’re downstage! Stage left! Back to centerstage! -- with perfect vocals and no hint of breathlessness. It’s true, though, "Idol idealists."