Conan O’Brien‘s Masturbating Bear had a legendary run, spending nearly two decades delighting viewers by furiously pounding its thong satchel, but as of earlier this week, its time on this rocky, unfair wasteland we call earth was coming to an end.
Then Stephen Colbert‘s Masturbating Bear appeared out of the blue, sent from the late night gods to heal the failing heart of the original ursine self-pleasurer.
See video: Conan O’Brien Pitches Archie Andrews Alternate Deaths: Meth OD, Martyrdom or Bathtub Slip
Here’s how the miracle happened:
On Tuesday night, the “Colbert Report” host showed on air a video of a real bear fiddling with his honey stick, then sent out this tweet:
Tonight, I made television history by being the first host to ever show a masturbating bear on air. Just wanted to point that out.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) July 16, 2014
Of course, that was a tongue-in-cheek reference to Conan’s famous friend, which O’Brien certainly understood. Unfortunately, what Colbert didn’t know was that Conan’s masturbating pal was on its deathbed, and so the tweet actually served to rub salt in the open emotional wounds over at the TBS late night show.
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However, the brouhaha ultimately proved to be a good thing, as you’ll see in the video above. As the old saying goes, America’s healthcare crisis will only be solved when every hospital room has videos of masturbating bears playing on TVs mounted in the corner.