The day Michael Jackson died, I immediately made a mental note of gratitude for the singer’s contribution to my youth.
While my teenaged children and I watched the memorial, I wrote my second attempt at saying goodbye to the person whose famous life spanned mine thus far. But, instead of recounting Jackson’s life, I’m starting by analyzing myself to try to figure out the ambiguous relationship I maintained with the pop idol over the years.
Watching the intense media coverage about the unexpected death of this greatly gifted man has summoned a mixed bag of emotions. Was I judgmental of Michael Jackson’s untraditional behavior? Why was it difficult for me to accept his continually-morphing face when his music had already filled my soul?
Why are my teens asking why they feel sad, and listening to Jackson’s hits over and over as if this would bring him back?
In the '70s and '80s, I fervently played the Jacksons’ music. In 1987, living in London, I managed to be part of the historical concert series at Wembley Stadium where over 500,000 fans paid to watch him glide across the stage. In the late 1990s, reports of his bizarre behavior started to surface, and it slowly became unpopular to openly show your support for Michael Jackson -- especially after the much publicized trial over the child molestation charges brought against him.
Though the smooth dancer was acquitted of all charges, it remained unacceptable to be a Michael Jackson groupie.
As a parent, I happily introduced Michael Jackson’s music to my children recognizing the cross-generational quality of his songs, but I cringed at each of the physical transformations he underwent seemingly monthly.
His behavior became increasingly eccentric to say the least, and resulted in the media behaving just like kids do on the school playground. When the child molestation related media storm hit the singer, I watched the broadcasts about his suspected relationships with children in utter disbelief, but not totally convinced of his innocence.
While Jackson’s music kept us inspired during this turbulent time in his life, his demeanor instilled a bit of fear. And these two sentiments remained at odds within me until recently.
In retrospect, it’s painful to know that for someone who gave the world a treasure trove of award-winning music, Michael Jackson lived in self-imposed exile to avoid the news-hounding reporters. For about the last five years, the move overseas silenced his critics, and news on the Jackson front had apparently gone quiet until reports of his come back made the headlines. The ironically titled “This is It” tour, however, was to take place in London -- not in his home country.
Now that he’s gone, it’s cool to talk about where you saw him in concert or how many Michael Jackson CDs you own. Saying he was loved around the world now, after his death and witnessing the globe’s caring reaction, is truly accurate. Michael reached the farthest and most remote corners of the world with his music first and probably with his peculiar reputation later.
