Golden Globes Opening Monologue: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s Best Jokes (Video)

The co-hosts deliver a solid (and hilarious) opening to Sunday’s awards ceremony

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler teamed up for the second time to host Sunday’s Golden Globes and opened the show with a solid and hilarious monologue.

Of the monologue’s best gags, the women ranked the stars present to surprising conclusions, described the best film nominees in unexpected ways while making sure no one felt they were left out of the joke.

See photos: Golden Globes Red Carpet Arrivals

Here are the women’s best jokes of the monologue.

1. Remake madness
On hosting for the second time, “This is Hollywood, so if something kind of works, they’ll just keep doing it until everyone hates it.” (Poehler)

2. Some real competition
“No offense to the movies and nominees last year, but this year’s legit.” (Fey)

Also read: Golden Globes 2014: TheWrap’s Live Blog

3. Ego check, Damon
Matt Damon is here from ‘Behind the Candelabra.’ Where are you, Matt? Matt, on any other night and in any other room, you’d be a big deal. But, tonight, don’t take this the wrong way, you’re basically a garbage person.” (Poehler)

4. Jennifer Lawrence is Amy Poehler’s dream doppelganger
When Fey referred to Poehler’s nomination for “Parks and Recreation,” the camera went to “American Hustle” star Lawrence. “It’s hard to believe she’s a 42-year-old mother of two,” Poehler joked.

Then, Fey said, “I hear she’s a little difficult to work with.” To which Poehler replied, “Oh yeah, she’s a straight up B—h.”

Also read: Golden Globes Winners: The Complete List (Updating Live)

5. Julia Louis-Dreyfus throws shade
The duo referred to Louis-Dreyfus sitting in the film section this year (she’s nominated for “Enough Said). They called to her, but a sunglass-wearing, cigarette-smoking Louis-Dreyfus refused to acknowledge them. “Um, you know us from TV. Julia! Julia!” Poehler prodded to no avail.

6. The “Gravity” of George Clooney’s Girlfriends
Fey summarized the plot his film,”Gravity”: It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.” (Fey)

7. For best handling of a “Slave” joke
Joking about slavery is tough, but the duo handled that. Poehler said, “I can honestly say that after seeing that film, I will never look at slavery the same way again.” To which, Fey asked, “Wait, how were you looking at [it]?”

See photos: Golden Globes 2014: The Winners

8. Netflix, that upstart
There has been a lot of talk surrounding Netflix’s strong showing for its programs during this year’s award shows. So, the duo took a swipe at the streaming video company. “Enjoy it while you can, Netflix, because you won’t be so smug in a few years when Snapchat is accepting Best Drama,” said Poehler.

9. “Higher” Education?
“‘Masters of Sex’ is the degree I got from Boston College.” (Poehler)

10. Settle the Score-sese
“We’re going to get this show done in three hours or as Martin Scorses calls it, Act 1.” (Fey)

Which was your favorite joke from the monologue?

Watch the video below: