Satiric Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar is serving sides of Cinnabons and option hoses filled with Ranch dressing
Guy Fieri just can't get any respect.
The frosted-tipped Food Network star became the wrong kind of Internet sensation last fall after a merciless New York Times review of his Times Square restaurant Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar went viral. Now the "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" host is once again a social media star thanks to a savage parody of the bypass-inducing menu at his Manhattan eatery — and to make matters worse it look like team Guy failed to register the domain name for the joint.
At GuysAmericanKitchenandBar.com, they're piling on the calories, slathering everything in Thousand Island and offering Cinnabons as side dishes. The tagline? "If you can eat here, you're a shark."
Here's a few of the satiric offerings:
>> Superbowl Bash Bro'det ($37.95): A bidet jammed to the brim with bubbling, overflowing Velveeta over a hidden layer of hamburger-fisted pig skins and a generous sprinkling of Dirty South Couch Crumbs. The bidet is an MP3 player that plays Smash Mouth while you eat it. Serves one.
>> The Blitzmas Beast ($28.50): Two Jumbo Big Gulp Slurpee cups filled with Nacho cheese and tied to each other with 25 strips of bacon fashioned into a giant bow. Shellacked with Slim Jim style jus, and topped with a dollop of smoked kitchen leavings.
>> Honky-Tonky Double Barrel Meat Loaded Blast ($14.50): A Sammy Hagar lookalike pushes your face into a leather bag filled with oil and if you eat the whole thing, you get to eat a 13 pound burger.
>> Prufrocktoberfest ($22.95): Beer-seasoned local meat with a peach and ether glazed Marlboro Light, slathered in Mid West Hot Rod Style Flavor Juice.
And for maximum artery clogging, this Guy's also offers sides of Doritos and optional Ranch dressing hoses.
According to Mashable, the foodie behind the fake site is a New York-based programmer named Bryan Mytko, who had a Eureka moment after discovering that Fieri had failed to register the URL.
A spokeswoman for Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar (domain name: guysamerican.com) did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
Nor is there any review from Times critic Pete Wells on the parody site. Wells substantially raised the "Flavor Town" profile of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar with his piece, which panned everything from the crouton allotment to the "nuclear waste" color of the cocktails in a series of derisive questions.
"Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are?" Wells wrote in The New York Times. "If you hadn’t come up with the recipe yourself, would you ever guess that the shiny tissue of breading that exudes grease onto the plate contains either pretzels or smoked almonds? Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?
Just wait until Wells breaks out the paddles and bites into The Blitzmas Beast.