And Going Home Tonight Is ... Wait, That Can't Be Right!

It became painfully clear within the first five minutes of the show who deserved to compete in the finale. When the Final Four performed “School’s Out” with Slash, Allison and Adam shone, especially juxtaposed against Gokey and Kris.

Did you see them harmonize on the bridge together? They weren’t just singing; they were performing!

Yes, Gokey threw in a few good runs here and there and thankfully did not grace us with his screaming again. But Kris just sang a verse and a few unenthusiastic “whoas.”

It was even apparent during the Ford music video! The animation in Allison and Adam’s performance had Gokey and Kris looking like cardboard cutouts in comparison -- which is weird because I think the actual video concept was that they were all cardboard cutouts. Or at least paper dolls. Driving cars. 

Ryan chatted up the Final 4 about the previous night’s performances. Kris  was still wondering how he get there. Glambert was excited about his outfit.  Allison defended her last-minute strategy of developing a personality, aka “sass.” And Gokey -- well, Gokey tried to laugh off the fact that his performance basically sucked.

But all of this chitchat was merely a way to mark time while Paula was getting changed for her big number. That’s right, your eyes did not deceive. Paula took the stage for the first time in “Idol” history! First Kellie Pickler and now Paula Abdul? They’ll let anyone perform on this show!

Yes, she’s a dancer. And, yes, her costume was cute. But if you’re pushing 50, I’m not sure you should be wearing such a getup -- unless, of course, your name is “Madonna” or you work at the Moulin Rouge. (Actually, Richard Simmons could probably get away with it too.)

Some of the pep squad tumbling moves were impressive, though, and I’m always a fan of pyrotechnics. (Britney’s “Circus” had pyrotechnics too, ya’ll!) That’s not the only thing Paula has in common with Britney.

I’ve mentioned it so many times before, but it begs to be said again: If you are a judge who evaluates talent on the most popular show in the United States, a singing competition for cry pete, at least have the guts to sing during your performance. (Even Kellie Pickler sang live!)  Dancing is all well and good but if you think you can dance, why not move over to -- hmmm,  I don’t know -- ”So You Think You Can (Freakin’) Dance?”

What I’d really like to see is a performance from Kara. She should stop writing songs for pop stars and do some for herself. Could you see her out there lip-synching upside down like Paula? No, because she wouldn’t need to; she can sing. Paula’s crappy dance song will no doubt sell millions just because she used “Idol” as a platform to promote it. (Could the performance have been part of her contract renegotiations? Hmmm.)

After Paula’s performance, the Gwen Stefani Band, aka “No Doubt,” performed its first hit, “Just a Girl.”  It was all very 1995, even down to Gwen’s grungey wife-beater and combat boots. (Somebody get me a Zima!)  I mean, back in 1995, little Allison was only 3 years old and Glambert and Gokey were slipping on their first stilettos and purity rings, respectively.

We got a teaser for next week’s “Hometown Hero” segment. It is my favorite at this stage of the game, mostly because I often fantasize about my hometown visit. (Come on, you know you do it, too!)

Finally, it was results time (a mere 36 minutes into the show). IDOL SHOCKER! The first person to be sent to safety was Kris. This was surprising (okay, more like freaking crazy) because many people (including yours truly) predicted that he would be the one to leave.

While viewers were still wondering how Kris managed to make it to the Final 3, Daughtry debuted their new single. The performance seemed more appropriate for Rock Week than, say, Paula’s. (I’m still wondering if that was one of the Signs of the Apocolypse.)

Ryan then revealed that -- surprise, surprise -- Adam was in the Top 3.  It came down to Gokey and Allison. 

Unbelievable! Gokey must have a huge fan base to survive after the “Dream On” debacle. (Maybe he goes to one of those “mega churches.”)

Poor, poor Allison. She deserved to make it to the finale. How appropriate that multi-platinum “loser” Daughtry was featured tonight, as I see Allison having a similar fate. 

I’m going to base my votes next week solely on the performances. I’m even willing to give Adam a chance, providing that he refrains from the screeching. 

What about you? Who are you backing?