What a Night: Jon & Kate, Denise, Kendra & Hef

Lots of new shows!

Come on, Entertainment Weekly, are you really gonna stand behind “Survivor” as your pick for best reality show of all time? Clearly the June 12 issue went to print before anyone was able to get their hands on a screener of “Kendra,” which debuted this past Sunday on E!

But seriously, ya’ll, while EW’s Top 20  included some obvious choices -- “The Real World,” “American Idol,” “Project Runway” and “The Apprentice” -- it was
the “10 Worst” list that got my attention.

I can tell you that I watched every single episode of “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic,” and I’ve seen my fair share of “Cheaters” and “The Swan.” I’m not proud; it is what it is.

The interesting thing, though, is that “The Anna Nicole Show” made its way onto the Worst List, with EW citing that there’s “nothing remotely comical about the exploitation of an obviously troubled woman.”

Hmmm, double standard much?

Not one page before, the mag lists “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” as one of the Top 20. While Anna Nicole may have fallen victim to her demons, God rest her soul, couldn’t we also say that there is “nothing remotely comical about the exploitation of an obviously troubled marriage?”

My guess is, were Ms. Smith still alive today, her show would be on that Top 20 list.

Ouch! My brain hurts! Let’s talk about something more mindless!

"I’M A CELEBRITY ... GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
If you’re like me, you’ve been waiting with bated breath all weekend to find out the fate of Speidi. Would they survive their much talked-about night in the Lost Chamber with Paul Telegdy’s “psychological experiments?” And even if they did, would their fellow campers take them back?

The answers were, surprisingly, “yes” and “yes.”

Thank goodness! I’ve gotta hand it to them -- as people who are usually handed the plot points to their own lives by producers, they have been doing an admirable job of coming up with drama on their own. They spent half the episode quoting Bible verses and trying to save Janice’s soul, prompting John Salley to comment that the whole place had turned into “Jesus Camp.” I have a feeling, though, that Jesus is upstairs going, “Seriously, guys I do not know those people.”

As for the other cast members ... You know how they always say that after a spouse dies, the other one follows shortly after? Well, this seemed to be the case with comedy team Frangela. After Angela V. Shelton was the first celebrity to be eliminated, Frances Callier just couldn’t bear the jungle without her. She announced her departure on last night’s show.

Janice Dickinson managed to piss off the entire cast with her diva-like antics and    -- gasp! --  truth telling. She told Heidi that her singing sounded like a drowning cat. Mean? Yes. True? Totally.

She also had a breakdown after participating in a food trial against Sanjaya. (Granted, it was pretty scary. It involved six padlocks, a variety of reptiles and rising water in an enclosed space.) He comforted her afterwards and, for a brief moment, as he held her and she seemed to caress his mosquito bites, I wondered if they might make out. Sanjaya continued to serve as her lapdog the rest of the episode.

Patti opened up about the trials and tribulations of being Rod Blagojevich’s wife.

One thing’s for sure after watching these celebs slowly go jungle crazy. In this recession, their therapists are all breathing sighs of relief.

The drama turned back to Speidi when Heidi had demons coming out of her. (Apparently that’s Presbyterian for “vomiting.”) I thought she might be pregnant but apparently she was just suffering from a gastric ulcer and the couple chose --- again -- to leave the show.

Whew! We really dodged that bullet, as I’m pretty sure that a Speidi spawn is one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Don’t leave your bomb shelter yet, though. I’m also pretty sure that people using the words “Sanjaya” and “so talented” in the same sentence could be Apocalyptic as well. Lou Diamond Phillips even said that his “skills seem to be limitless.” Take that, Simon Cowell!

Phillips retained leadership for another week because no one could stomach the idea of eating cow tongue or bull testicles.

It was also revealed that a new “star” would be joining the cast -- Holly Montag (Heidi’s sister). I’m a little disappointed, as Holly seems to be one of the more normal ones on “The Hills.” Couldn’t they torture Lo or Audrina instead?

"KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST"
The new season premiered last night, with our heroine rubbing elbows with the Divine Miss M in Vegas, as part of her “A-lister in training” program.

But Kathy Griffin isn’t exactly a D-Lister in my eyes. She is one of my idols, much to the chagrin of my mother, who thought her “suck it, Jesus!” comment was absolutely unladylike. To that I say “suck it, Mom!” She’s won two Emmys and a Grammy; I’m not the only one who thinks she’s funny.

I feel that perhaps Bette Midler sides with my mom on this one, though. She seemed very perturbed when Griffin told one of her own jokes while making a cameo as a prostitute in Midler’s stage show. Why, then, did Kathy have a mic in the first place?

I’m not sure how I feel about Midler after watching her berate my girl Kathy.

 

1 | 2