Jay Leno Jabs NBC in Final ‘Tonight Show’ Monologue: ‘I Don't Like Goodbyes – NBC Does’ (Video)

Jay Leno Jabs NBC in Final 'Tonight Show' Monologue: 'I Don't Like Goodbyes – NBC Does' (Video)

“Tonight is the last show for real,” Leno said. “I don't need get fired three times. I get the hint”

Jay Leno opened his final “Tonight Show” monologue on Thursday by taking a few shots at NBC, as well as some other favorite targets.

“I don't like goodbyes,” Leno started. “NBC does. I don't care.”

“I don't care,” he repeated, before taking another (probably) playful swipe at his network. “Well, tonight is the last show for real; I don't need get fired three times,” Leno quipped. “I get the hint. I get the hint.”

See video: Jay Leno's Last ‘Tonight Show': Billy Crystal's Best Moments

But then Leno's mood turned to graciousness, faux as it may have been for the sake of the punchline: “I got to tell you, the outpouring from people. It's really been touching. Today Anthony Weiner sent me photo of his penis looking sad.”

“Twenty-two years, that's a long time,” the exiting host said. “Here's how long it was: When I started hosting, marijuana was illegal, and you could smoke cigarettes anyplace you wanted.”

Leno added: “Twenty-two years ago, there was no Craigslist. Serial killers had to meet their victims the old-fashioned way, at the bus station at midnight.”

See photos: From Steve Allen to Jay Leno – All of ‘Tonight Show's’ Hosts and Sidekicks Before Jimmy Fallon

The soon-to-be free agent comedian reeled off a few more rounds of the differences between his curtain-raising 1992 episode and the environment from which he took his final bow Thursday, such as: ”Twenty-two years ago, guys actually had to go to the news stand for porn.”

As well as: “So much has happened in the last 22 years. You know the saddest part of all, O.J. never found the real killers.”

And of course: “When I started hosting, Justin Bieber wasn't even born yet. That's why we call those the good ol’ days.”

See video: Jay Leno's ‘Tonight Show’ Exit: 8 Ways the Comedic Car Nut Can Spend His Free Time

Even the President, who as Leno's guest was the first ever sitting president to appear on late-night TV, was not immune to the veteran comic's playful wrath: ”The worst thing about losing this job, I'm no longer covered by NBC,” Leno said. “I now have to sign up for Obamacare.”

Leno's final guest ever was Billy Crystal — the man who Leno hosted on his very first “Tonight Show” in 1992.

Jimmy Fallon takes over “The Tonight Show”on Feb. 17, when his first guests will be Will Smith and U2.

Watch the monologue:

  • hupto

    Well, technically, he has been fired three times: twice from “Tonight” and once from the 10:PM show!

  • jrh

    No offense to his replacement – But, to fire someone who is leading in the ratings is stupid… When Papa Johns Pizza opposed health care for their employees a couple of years ago, I stopped buying their pizza, now, I will NEVER watch the Tonight show ago. Hello – The Corbert Report..

    • Nick Martin

      Well, you are picking a much funnier, smarter show to watch!

  • Jjackbc

    It seems utterly ridiculous to me that this video of Jay Leno farewell is only available to the US… We watch US prime time in Canada!

  • MEG

    Jay always was a class act, funny and humble. Very few even come close. He
    will be missed by many who enjoy smart late night bantering and joking. NBC is
    looking out for their fiscal future with Fallon, it might work out although Jay still
    was making them a ton of revenue. Way to go NBC you're such classy assholes,
    in the same vein as J. Kimmel. Assholes never criticize each other. No, they only
    do it to those class-acts who wouldn't think of going down to their level.

    • Morgan

      Right on.

  • Skeezits

    Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, to me none of them will ever fill the shoes of the master Johnny Carson.

  • SarahKentucky

    Corporate suck-up canadianish Jimmy Fallon will make NBC tank. But the commie jews who run NBC already have all the money–and power in Washington–they need. Who cares about ratings and the public. The Führer has spoken. Onward march!!

    • Morgan

      Jimmy Fallon is so mainstream and is easy to manipulate and control. Jews love controlling people just ask Obama who controls him and congress!!

  • Morgan

    Lets face it the fucking White House didn't like Leno taking some shots at Obama. Lol Everything Leno said is true about the Obama administration stupid corrupt cunts!

  • Genell R

    I just want NBC to know that I will not be watching the so call tonight show. I have nothing against Fallon. Does NBC think that people that are Jay Leno fans, are just going keep watching??? I don't think so. J. Kimmel I have not watch him since he tried to humiliate Jay Leno on the ten o'clock show. I have not watch J. Kimmel since, and will not watch him. I hope Jay Leno come back to some Network.