When you need emotional breathlessness spilled out onto the page, you turn to Hollywood Life editrix Bonnie Fuller.
And Fuller delivered in spades on Monday for CNN.com, delivering a gushing reflection that earns its place as The Wrap's Ridiculous Royal Wedding Coverage of the Day.
(Note: Ridiculous Royal Wedding Coverage of the Day is a daily feature that will continue until Friday, when the nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton hopefully reduce their fever grip on America's brains.)
Taking a nostalgic approach to Royal Wedding Mania, Fuller reaches deep into Bonnie's Big Box of Starry-Eyed Memories, all the way to July 29, 1981, to reflect on the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana.
"If you think that the media and the public have gone hog wild over Prince Williams' wedding to Kate Middleton, you'd be surprised by how we were whipped into even more of a royal frenzy by the Diana and Charles nuptials," Fuller gushes.
That frenzy doesn't remain a surprise for long, as former Us Weekly honcho Fuller spews her reminiscent fervor all over CNN.com's server.
Fuller reserves the lion's share of her gusto for Diana, and the many ways that she and the royal bride were so very much alike. Practically the same person, really.
"Diana was just like us! She was shy and pretty but not beautiful, and she was caught by photographers wearing a skirt that turned sheer in the sunlight. She'd suffered a wardrobe malfunction that we could all sympathize with," Fuller theorizes. (No word on whether Lady Di also shared Fuller's seemingly demented need to project her own personality and insecurities onto complete strangers.)
Naturally, Fuller couldn't just watch Charles and Diana tie the knot like a normal person. For her, it was an event, complete with role-playing and copious consumption of caffeine, all the better to keep the manic delusion going.
"In fact, my husband and I honored the occasion by gathering for a 6 a.m. tea party around my friend Barb's TV, along with several other of our friends. While we watched Diana ride in a beautiful traditional carriage to St. Paul's, we munched on scones and clotted cream, and drank endless cups of tea. The guys all wore bow ties and top hats. My girlfriends and I turned out in old prom dresses and white gloves. Hey, we wanted to get fully into the wedding spirit."
Somehow, one begins to suspect that the guests at Fuller's royal wedding tea party actually consisted of a Raggedy Ann doll and a stuffed bunny rabbit named Mr. Fluffybottom, but whatever — she's entitled to her own memories, no matter how demented they are.
Read Fuller's reflections in a cracked mirror here — and take comfort in the fact that, no matter how overboard you may be going with your enthusiasm for the royal wedding, it can't possibly be as bad as Fuller's Princess Di obsession.