Stephen Colbert said on Monday night that he shut down his super PAC.
In a letter posted on the political group's website, Colbert said that the advisor and chief strategist to Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow — a hunk of bespectacled meat named Ham Rove — had died falling onto a knife "several dozen times" and later being eaten by dogs.
"When it comes to describing how important Ham Rove was to Colbert Super PAC, I find myself at a loss for unsubpoenaed words," Colbert wrote of the fictional political advisor, a clear jab at porky Republican strategist Karl Rove. "Ham Rove did everything for his organization, particularly any of the things that an angry donor or federal official might want answers to."
Colbert first announced the formation of his super PAC during a March 2011 segment of his show. He set up a company in the regulatory oasis of Delaware called Anonymous Shell Company and began raising funds for a farcical campaign.
But $778,000 remain in the super PAC's coffers — money left over after a brief satirical run for President of the United States of South Carolina and a series of ads urging voters to elect "Rick Parry" and gaffe-prone pizza mogul Herman Cain.
"During this time of mourning, we ask that you respect our privacy, and more importantly, the privacy of our money," Colbert wrote. "It wishes to stay out of the public eye, so please don't go trying to find it. Rest assured, you won't. We have a really good lawyer."
At least one man had his eye on Colbert's unspent cash: five-time presidential candidate Ralph Nader.
Nader told TheWrap last month that he felt Colbert should donate the full sum of money to the museum of tort law that he has been building in Connecticut for the last four years.
The longtime consumer advocate and independent presidential hopeful said he felt responsible for launching Colbert's career, after the satirical news anchor interviewed him on "The Daily Show" while Jon Stewart was on paternity leave.
"Since he deals with wrongful injuries and reputations night after night, there must be a little humor here," Nader said. "Tell him we'll name the courtroom after him."