Listen real carefully, and you can almost hear an A&E programming executive squeek, "Oh please, run."
The network's reality TV bounty hunter, Duane "Dog" Chapman posted the $11,000 bond needed to spring Nicolas Cage from a New Orleans jail.
Cage was arrested Saturday morning on one count of domestic abuse and one count of disturbing the peace, according to police records.
Witnesses say the actor was very drunk and was taunting police, who were looking into an argument he was allegedly having with his wife at the time.
For his part, Chapman says the bail posting was to serve his day job, not his show.
"Media from around the world have been requesting interviews with me today after reports surfaced about my posting a bond for actor Nicolas Cage in New Orleans," Chapman said in a statement to E! News. "I am a truly dedicated fan of Mr. Cage and will not be granting any interviews about my client as I wish to respect his privacy. I performed my duties as a bail bondsman and not in connection with our show. This is what I do for a living. There are two sides of my job: I release my clients after they have been arrested; and pick them up if they don't show up in court. I do not believe the latter will be the case for Mr. Cage."
TMZ, meanwhile, obtained what it says is video of Cage and his wife, Alice, entering a New Orleans tattoo parlor on Saturday morning and having some kind of discussion (hard to tell if it was too heated, since there's no sound).
According to TMZ, the argument centered on the location of Cage's Big Easy home, with the gossip service alleging the actor forgot where his place is.