So the girlfriend and I went to the movies the other night, and I could have sworn we sat for a sextuple feature. This was because five trailers preceded the main attraction.
At least, I think they were trailers. It’s was a little tough to tell given how they showed what appeared to be pretty much the entire movie on fast-forward.
I think you know what I’m talking about. There’s no such thing anymore as a mere tease. Every trailer now comes with its own spoilers minus any alerts.
You emerge from viewing each with the overwhelming urge to leave the theater, grab a coffee and download the experience complete with storyline debate and performance critique.
No, really.
What was the tipping point when the marching orders from film studios to trailer production houses was, “Okay, just take a little from each part of the film. Mix in plenty of jarring music and every shift of plot.
And don’t forget to include the climax! In slo-mo!”
The late, great trailer voiceover maestro Don LaFontaine has to be turning over in his grave. Then again, he too had a hand in this while he was still with us.
“In a world where nothing is left to the imagination and everything has to be spelled out…No one can hear your bewilderment and disgust at what you are about to see on this screen.”
When exactly was it that coming attractions became complete ones? This is what need be pondered while the previews dutifully wreck any future enjoyment of the film as you gaze up in air-conditioned, popcorn-fortified comfort this Labor Day Weekend.
Let me stop myself right here to make the point that this is anything but a smack at the trailer creators themselves.
Quite the contrary. They are magicians who have greatly perfected the art of bringing a film to life in an ADD-styled three-minute burst of action and dialogue.
It’s a far cry from the days of yore when you’d get a tacky, awkward jumble of disconnected imagery.
Yet at the same time, there was something charming about the sheer cheesy splendor of the old-style trailer promotion. For one thing, there was a lot more emphasis on whetting the appetite without ruining it for you.
Because I mean, even 60 years ago they knew that if you had the whole story unfold before your eyes like some freeze-dried, pre-shrunk concoction, you would be far less likely to want to plunk down your hard-earned cash (even during the days when it cost a mere nickel).
This is not an elaborate concept to grasp. In order to build buzz and curiosity, it would seem that the most prudent approach would be to grab your attention but stop far short of sating the appetite.
To use the analogy of a hot date, the max we should be talking here is second base -- if that. You know, some nice making out on the couch and possibly an overanxious feel copped over a too-tight blouse, resulting in a mild slap of the hand and the implied promise of much more, or at least a little more, next Friday.
