I have seen the future -- and I've seen it all before -- and so I know how this here Tiger Woods saga is going to unfold from here. Trust me, so do you. There's really no other way it can go.
All he has to do is follow the standard script.
But first, a few casual observations:
1. Tiger is going to come through this almost entirely unscathed. Really. Sure, he used to be seen as a Boy Scout. But others have done far worse than serial consensual philandering and been forgiven wholeheartedly.
Start with Kobe Bryant, charged with sexual assault but no longer tarnished by that particular alleged sin even moderately. Michael Vick was convicted of torturing dogs for sport, and no one's even raising a whimper today as he restores his shattered reputation with the Philadelphia Eagles.
Does anyone raise a peep now about steroids as it applies to Alex Rodriguez? Nope. Turning into a post-season home run machine will do that. Success trumps transgression with few exceptions, particularly if it's preceded by the appropriate quasi-sincere public apology. Just spin, baby.
2. In an odd way, people have gained a measure of respect for Tiger that wasn't there previously. Many found him to be so straitlaced as to be boring. No longer. Now he's the guy singlehandedly responsible, seemingly, for keeping the hotel and motel industry from imploding during the economic downturn.
3. Anytime someone departs a job or position to "spend more time focusing on my family," the sure bet is that this has little or nothing to do with the decision. What it means in this case is, "I need to gather myself and consider my options while surrounded by imagemakers, spinmeisters, lawyers and marketing reps, as well as the occasional intern." Hanging with the family probably doesn't rank much higher than sixth place on the priority scale, and that high only as props for the occasional photo op. But it appears that Tiger will need to travel to Sweden to get a shot of the happy family working out its problems.
4. You just need to have the right "The devil made me do it!" mea culpa, and Tiger is about to play that card out of utter necessity. This brings us to my crystal ball:
JAN. 5, 2010: Tiger Woods announces on his website that he is in the throes of sex addiction and is seeking inpatient treatment at the Sierra Tucson in Arizona -- a 30-day program designed to restore himself to sanity and rescue his personal life. "I have been an untreated sex addict for 11 years," Woods declares, "and I intend to get this issue under control once and for all."
FEB. 1, 2010: It's announced that Tiger will give his first sit-down interview since his sexual indiscretions became public with Barbara Walters on a very special two-hour edition of "The Barbara Walters Interview."
FEB. 17, 2010: Woods tells Walters that he didn't understand until undergoing treatment that what he was doing all of these years with his multiple dalliances with women was "seeking the approval" of a father who was never satisfied.
