I saw my first 3D movie the other day. ’Nuff said.
My feelings about “modern” 3D? Despite the imprecations of my old boss, Jeffrey Katzenberg (3D’s Town Crier), to embrace the “new” technology it is nothing more than the old “Smell-O-Vision” of the '50s repackaged for a new generation.
What scares me more was that no one -- Katzenberg, critics or the public, in large part --has figured out that the desperate resorting to weird technological answers to creative problems represents the paucity of creative vision now dominating our studios. Worse, it presages the kind of crash for the industry that happened in the ‘60s, when the public finally did “smell out” the fact that “Smell-O-Vision” (or whatever it’s copyrighted name was) represented nothing more than a desperate attempt to fool the public that all that’s old is new again!
Don’t believe me? Remember the slogan, “Movies are better than ever”? That was right before Clint Eastwood was cast as a singer in 1969's “Paint Your Wagon."
Witness the most recent fare, for example: A remake (or “rebooting”) of Arnold “The Impregnator” Schwarzeneggar’s “Conan,” a mediocre remake (sorry Rick Jaffa) of the ‘60’s “Planet of the Apes” and an updated version of the Dustin Hoffman’s 1970 classic “Straw Dogs,” with Kate Bosworth replacing Susan George. Talk about weak tea!?!
On the other hand, as long as we’re on the subject of old movies, let me ask: While I quite enjoyed “Captain America: The First Avenger” (the 3D movie I finally saw) -- at least for the five minutes it took the effect to wear off -- was I the only one so confused by the story that I had to go back and see it again without the glasses?
I quickly figured out the problem -- this was another of those faux-George Lucas/Steven Spielberg homages to the serials of their youth.
The problem is it wasn’t my youth. They’re a whole generation older. Having done some research, though, I learned the original Captain America represented a newly resurgent America post WWII, with the guy wearing red-white-and-blue tights beating up the bad-guys. But I wasn’t born then.
No, the Captain America of my youth drove a Harley chopper and with his buddy Billy, set off to see a modern-day America, circa 1969.
Now, correct me if I’m wrong -- which is entirely possible -- but in my Captain America (aka “Easy Rider”), weren’t the bad guys the forces of plutocracy and repression that under the guise of the Nixon’s Southern strategy conspired to culture-nap America and hand it back to the racist rednecks?
In short -- and, again, correct me if I’m wrong -- wasn’t the offspring of the WWII Captain America lionized in “The First Avenger” who actually murdered our Captain America, played with aplomb by Peter Fonda? And why didn’t this new “Captain America” deal with how he went from beating up Nazis to becoming one?
Anyway, I think that’s what happens with 3D as well -- you get dazzled by the effect without noticing, unless you take the glasses off, that there’s nothing really underneath ... oh, yeah, there’s a lot of cool Hitlerian technology, but nothing that Spielberg didn’t do better 30 years ago in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
