UPDATE: Almost as soon as this column was posted, news came in that Kevin Williamson is “rebooting” the “Scream” franchise, bringing back Courteney Cox Arquette and David Arquette, along with other characters from the original troika of comic terror.
An original series, mind you, that petered out less than 10 years ago.
Amazingly, Williamson has plans for a trilogy.
Are there really that many more “Scream” stories to tell?
Who among us wondered: Hey, did Gale Weathers ever get that Fox News Channel gig and if so which co-anchor is now stalking her?
There’s one question I never asked myself even once after watching and re-watching Ridley Scott’s “Alien.”
And that was: I wonder who that freaky little extra-terrestrial space jockey was and how he came to fossilized on that dead planet?
I did not wonder about his back story, whether his demise was gory, whether his name was Brad or if his lonely alien isolation made him sad.
I did not consider for a second his history -- because that story element worked best as a mystery.
Forgive my momentary lapse of reason into half-assed Seuss, but rhythmic japery’s the only coping strategy for that dreaded word: reboot.
Yes, folks, 20th Century Fox has confirmed the rumors that have been getting a singular response -- “You’re kidding?! WTF!?” -- for the past week.
“Alien” is to be given a dust-off for an “origins” story.
Ridley Scott, who really ought to know better, is producing, with TV commercials director Carl Risnch circling the project as his feature debut.
You can see why Rinsch would be tapped for the film, whose working title is rumored to be either “Alien: Exploitation” or “Alien vs Audience,” because his most famous ad for Saturn is pretty much a job application for a stylish, tech-heavy sci-fi film.
And that’s all well and good, but why not turn Rinsch’s talents to creating a new universe, new characters, a new story, a new aesthetic and, Nostromo willing, a new franchise Fox can make bucks off for years to come?
“Fanboys” aren’t alone here in registering their protests: a new “Alien” is a movie that no-one wants.
The origins of the story already exist -- perfectly -- in the minds of the millions upon millions of people who’ve seen “Alien." Just like the “future war” of the “Terminator” series, it’s best left unseen -- as woefully demonstrated by “Terminator: Salvation.”
I know there will be half-hearted arguments that because Ridley Scott’s on board for the doomed mission, we’re in safe hands with a new “Alien.” But why not just leave well enough alone?
The franchise itself has already demonstrated the law of diminishing returns. Even after James Cameron’s exceptional “Aliens” complemented Ridley Scott’s universe, the efforts ranged from noble (“Alien3”) to stupidish (“Alien Resurrection”) to the blatantly crapulous (“Alien vs. Predator” and “AVP2”).
Rather than Fox spend $100M-$200M on making the thing, another $50M-$100M marketing it and then having Rupert Murdoch praying extra hard to his Dark Majesty that it takes $250M-400M worldwide and another $100M-200M on DVD to break even, how about this for an idea?
Re-release the original.
