“BIG BROTHER 11”
Face it. All reality shows, whether they are competition based or not, boil down to cliques. Let’s see, there’s the Blondetourage from “Rock of Love,” the alliances on “Survivor” and, of course, the assigned labels on (best show ever!) “High School Reunion”: the Nerd, the Outcast ... the Wannabe Reality Star.
“Big Brother” has combined two of my favorite things this year -- high-school insecurities and gossip -- to make a whole new show revolving around cliques.
The 12 contestants were divvied up into four groups: the Athletes, the Populars, the Brains and the Offbeats. Also, a “BB” alum from Season 10, Jessie, joined the cast as the first Head of Household as well as one of the Athletes, giving them an edge in numbers. Each week, not only is the HOH safe from eviction, but so is his or her entire clique.
Due to the overall theme of the season (and probably the fact that the challenges have involved things like pimples and wedgies), the contestants routinely refer to their high-school experiences. Me likey. For instance, Brain Ronnie bemoaned how he was picked on in high school but it probably doesn’t help that he constantly sports a T-shirt emblazoned with the word “dork.”
Likewise, tatted up Lydia sobbed when she became one of the first contestants to be put up for eviction. It reminded her of high school, she said. Awesome. Who’s got the pig’s blood?
Another new twist affects the losers of the food challenges. Not only do they have to eat slop for a week, but their showers are cold and they must sleep in a room that looks like a stainless steel psych ward with a truck bed for a, well, BED.
The first food challenge was like a “BB” foam party. Let’s just say there were a lot of things glowing, including the shirtless contestants. The Brains had clearly never been invited to a rave and ended up losing.
The biggest alliance so far is the one between the Athletes and, well, almost everyone. Ronnie has taken over as leader for the Brains and aligned with Athletes Jessie and Russell right away, securing his team’s safety for the week. The only catch? They wanted to put up a Brain as a pawn for eviction.
Princessy Brain Chima ended up being the chosen one, along with Offbeat Lydia, whom the Athletes saw as a threat.
But -- twist! -- Athlete Russell won the Power of Veto in a challenge that involved spelling and popping pimples. (It was gross, ya’ll!) Who would he choose to save?
Lydia had “put it out into the universe” that she wanted to stay … or, um, did she just simply “Put out?” That’s right. The real “BB” drama does not end up on our television screens; it’s on the live feeds. Let’s just say there is some very interesting footage involving HOH Jessie, Lydia, a blanket and some slurping noises.
Need more drama? How about racial slurs? Obviously after her fine performance, Lydia was taken off the block. At her suggestion, Russell instead chose to nominate Popular Braden, a surfer dude from California. Ronnie, playing both sides, ran to Braden and Team Popular and told them that he would be nominated.
Braden did not like this at all and suspected that Lydia was behind it. He called her a “slut” and a “skank” and then attacked her fellow Offbeat, Kevin, with “beaner.” Kevin retorted with the fact that he is not even Mexican (because that would’ve made it OK, I guess). He is a proud “Blackanese” as he professed in the very beginning!
The voting between Chima and Braden resulted in a tie and Jessie, the HOH, used his tiebreaking vote to send Braden packing.
My very favorite is Ronnie, who seems to be playing everyone. Besides, don’t we all secretly root for the nerd? Maybe it’s because deep down, we all kind of felt like nerds in high school. Well, I mean, not me. I was totally cool and together, of course.
Although Ronnie claims to be a national champion in persuasive speaking, other people have been using their tongues in persuasive ways too. Only there’s no talking. Catch my drift, Ronnie? Lydia is the one you need to keep an eye on.
“SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE” RESULTS
Last night’s show opened up with a spectacular kind of “dominatrix geishas in hell” number and Cat Deeley announced that the show had received four Emmy nominations for choreography. The makeup department was nominated too!
But hello? Isn’t there a category for -- um -- costumes? Sheesh.
Melissa, Randi, Kupono and Ade received the lowest amount of votes, and each the same solo dance from the night before.
When the judges were questioned as to why Randi ended up in the bottom two, Debbie Allen mentioned something about her costume. I knew it! America is also basing their votes on costumes!
Allen said that while she loved last night’s dress, the one Randi wore on Wednesday was not as flattering. Translation: “Girl, you looked fat.”
Kupono’s “costume” last night caused Cat to excaim, “What an outfit!” What an outfit, indeed. It looked like sweatpants with some curtain tassles attached, no doubt another one of his homemade creations.
Cat wondered aloud why America was not picking up the phone for Melissa. Cat, the reason is not because Melissa’s technique is bad. It’s just because America thinks ballet is boring.
All of the judges gushed over Ade and wondered why he was there.
Then it was time for an obnoxious party song from obnoxious party band The Black Eyed Peas! Actually they weren’t nearly as obnoxious here, as the song “I Got a Feeling” is pretty fun. Also kudos to the Pea who was wearing a Michael Jackson T-shirt underneath a “Thriller” jacket.
That got me thinking -- shouldn’t “Dance” do a Michael tribute? I’d love to see the finalists perform “Beat It.”
In the end it was paso doble partners Kupono and Randi who were sent packing. The goodbye clips featured the best of Kupono’s dancing and the best of Randi’s butt.
Too bad her bootyliciousness wasn’t enough to save her.