Melissa McCarthy returned to the role of White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer for Easter to apologize and tell the story of Passover.
McCarthy’s Spicer took the podium at the White House dressed as the Easter Bunny for the annual Easter Egg Roll. She took the opportunity to apologize for Spicer’s real-life comments comparing Syrian president Bashar al-Assad to Adolf Hitler.
“Hey kids, Happy Easter!” McCarthy’s Spicer shouted as she threw off the Easter Bunny head.
“Shut up, shut up,” Spicer continued. “Ah, where? Okay, I’m sweating my Easter Eggs off here. Everybody shut up. shut up so I can apologize.
“Yeah, you all got your wish this week. Spicy finally made a mistake. As we all know, President Trump recently bombed Syria, while eating the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake America has ever seen. That’s a fact! People wanted to look at the cake.”
McCarthy’s Spicer then moved on to address Spicer’s real-life comments about Assad and Trump’s Syrian bombing this week.
“Now, in defending the president’s decision, I said that the syrian leader, um, the leader of — what is his stupid name? Bazooka Felicia Hamad Rashad. At least Hitler never used chemical weapons, and everybody freaked out. They were like boo-hoo, what about the Holocaust Centers?
“I know they’re not called the holocaust centers,” McCarthy’s Spicer said. “I clearly meant to say ‘Concentration Club.’ it would be great if the nit pickers didn’t focus on every slur and lie I say. That would be nice. And P.S., you know I am sensitive to the fact that they were sent there on trains, but at least they didn’t have to fly United, am i right?”
Spicer’s comments also came on the first night of Passover, which McCarthy brought up in her apology.
“I am particularly sorry this happened on Passover, AKA, the Jewish Easter. In the spirit of cultural unity, I thought I would shed some light to all the goys out there on the most sacred holiday, Passover.”
McCarthy then brought out her signature visual aids for Spicer, a series of stuffed animals — this time, from the Christian video series “Veggie Tales.”
“So here we go. Here’s pharaoh. Okay? Doing some bad, bad stuff to the Jews. I mean he even Hitler — you know what, not not going do that. I’m not going there again. You fool me once, right? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on Jews.
“Okay so, Pharaoh guy is like ‘Hey, you guys need to start making pyramids and stuff,’ and the Jews, these guys pass over,” Spicer explained, moving one doll over top of the other. “Literally floated above them them, kinda like ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dreidel.’ Then they’re like, the Jews are like, ‘Yep, Pharaoh, see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.’ And then, you know, from then on it was really smooth sailing for the Jews.”
Spicer then got rid of the dolls to clarify where Assad ranked as a dictator, relative to Hitler.
“Okay, just to be super clear as far as the bad guys go, the ranking is, hitler then babar al-asshad, then the Pharaoh, and then I guess chronologically it would be the jews.
“That’s about it for me,” McCarthy concluded. “Happy Easter, everybody. Oh, by the way, the president is probably going to bomb North Korea tonight. Okay, Spicy’s gotta go. Wrapping it up. Let’s go, kids, eat all the candy you want, cause it’s probably the last Easter that we will ever have on earth.”