Stephen Colbert has joined CNN and Fox News in a mission to infect viewers with Ebola virus fears.
“Folks, I’m so glad you’re joining us tonight. If you are joining us, we tape the show at 7 o’clock, so by the time you’re seeing this, you’re probably dead,” the “Colbert Report” host joked on Thursday’s show. “Because this week the Ebola outbreak that has been ravaging West Africa finally spread to West, West Africa – America.”
Colbert proceeded to show a montage of the 24-hour cable news outlets exaggerating the “panic” spreading across the country since two American missionaries who contracted the disease were flown from Africa to Atlanta, where they are being treated in a quarantine unit at Emory University Hospital.
Colbert, of course, agreed with expert analysis from Donald Trump and Fox News contributor Dr. Ben Carson who recommended Americans remain on high alert since “someone” might offer a lab worker “a million dollars” for a vile of infected urine, as intimate contact with bodily fluid is the only way the virus can be spread.
“You may say Dr. Ben Carson is just yanking shit out of his ass, but remember, that’s another way Ebola is spread,” Colbert said. “This good man is right. You must always guard against the worst possible case scenario, and frankly I can think of some worser scenarios.”
Watch the video (above) to see how terrorists, circus lions, the Boy Scouts, opera singers, and an untimely cold front will all come together to cause the biggest viral outbreak the U.S. will very likely never see.