Stephen Colbert is "shaken to the core" that his Papa Bear, Bill O'Reilly, flip-flopped his position on gay marriage earlier this week.
"I can't believe it," the fake conservative pundit exclaimed on Wednesday night's "Colbert Report" after playing a clip of the actual conservative pundit declaring "the compelling argument is on the side of homosexuals."
"On gay marriage, Bill O'Reilly has flip-flopped," Colbert continued, before another admission by the "O'Reilly Factor" host floored him.
"The gay marriage thing?" O'Reilly said during a Fox News clip from Tuesday. "I don’t feel that strongly about it one way or another."
"Bill O'Reilly doesn't feel strongly about something?" Colbert questioned in a panic. "You are Bill O'Reilly. Read you're fucking contract!
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"Firemen put out fires, homeless people are crazy, and you feel strongly about everything. Especially gay marriage," Colbert lampooned before getting to the point. "I mean, you used to."
A flurry of old clips suggest that O'Reilly was, in fact, strongly opposed to gay marriage in the past due to a fear that it would lead to people marrying animals — goats, in particular.
O'Reilly, now a proven flip-flopper, also criticized "phony" former President Bill Clinton and President Barack Obama for supporting gay marriage after initially opposing it. And since O'Reilly can't possibly be labeled a phony, Colbert can only come to one logical conclusion: O'Reilly is pro-goat marriage.
Take it away, Colbert: