(Spoiler alert: Please do not read on if you haven’t seen the season 13 premiere of “The Bachelorette”)
“The Bachelorette” returned on Monday night for its 13th season, marking the first time the ABC dating show has featured a diverse lead — and the claws are already out for Rachel Lindsay’s heart.
Rachel got everyone’s attention during her time on Nick Viall’s season of “The Bachelor” last season, with garnering praise for her kindness, classiness and realness. The 31-year-old attorney from Texas felt she opened up to Viall too late in the game, which ultimately sent her on a plane home.
But now, Rachel is back to find love among 31 suitors stepping out of the limo to meet her — and the season is already to a good (and dramatic) start. From the get-go, men are going out of their way to impress Rachel. Josiah, a prosecutor from Florida, gets her attention with legal jokes, Kenny breaks out a dance move, and Brady brings in a literal ice block to break the ice. Blake comes in with a whole marching band, while other men don penguin costumes or bring a vacuum as a prop for no apparent reason.
The weirdest introduction comes from Lucas, who leading up to the “Bachelorette” premiere was making headlines with his catchphrase “Whaboom.” No one really knows what to make of it, but that doesn’t mean Lucas stopped breaking it out at various times during the premiere. And it’s super, super annoying.
But there are some sweet guys — Peter, who sports a gap tooth just like our leading lady, makes a Wisconsin joke to lighten the mood about Rachel’s bad luck with Nick Viall. Bryan, from Miami, speaks to Rachel in Spanish, which pretty much enchants her immediately.
“They are not just meeting my expectations — they are exceeding them,” Rachel tells the camera.
As soon as all the men have arrived, it becomes clear (as per usual) that there is too much testosterone in the house. DeMario and Josiah are so confident in their game that they already begin to annoy everyone else in the house. For example, Josiah tells everyone to mark his words because Rachel will be his wife, whereas DeMario tells Josiah he can bring a plus one to his and Rachel’s wedding.
Between one guy building a sandcastle with Rachel and another constantly growling at her to the point where she grows uncomfortable, Mohit constantly misses the ball to talk to Rachel and starts to drink himself to oblivion.
And to further fuel the fire, Josiah takes the first impression rose and puts it on his jacket because he’s so confident he’s going to receive it from Rachel. It’s sad, really, because before he stepped foot into the house, Josiah seemed like a stand-up guy who had a rough childhood but decided to turn his life around and become a prosecutor.
It seems like Kenny, who has a real emotional connection with Rachel while he tells her about his 10-year-old daughter, would get the first impression rose, because they both have strong chemistry. But Rachel actually gives Bryan the first impression rose after a steamy makeout session. Rachel tells him she is giving it to him because he was direct with her on what he wanted going into this process — a process Rachel always felt very skeptical about until she actually fell in love with Nick Viall last season.
In the end inevitably some unlucky — or just annoying — Casanova‘s were disappointed at the Rose Ceremony.
Among those who didn’t make the first cut were Mohit, Blake E., Milton, Grant, Rob, Jedidiah and Kyle.
Surprisingly, Lucas survived to “Whaboom” another day.
“The Bachelorette” airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on ABC.