Dreading the loss of Fox News’ “Glenn Beck Program”? Yeah, us neither. But let's look back and laugh anyway.
Ah, Glenn Beck; half P.T. Barnum, half Joseph McCarthy, and half homeless man standing on the street corner hurling curses at the sun while wearing his pants on his head. (Yes, we're aware — that's three halves, but the man is Just. That. Epic.)
The airwaves will no doubt become a much less dynamic place without Fox News' "Glenn Beck Program."
Thankfully, he's leaving behind a vast reservoir of video nuggets so that we may sip at the fountain of his unconventional wisdom again and again, forever and always.
As the world prepares to say "goodnight, funnyman" to Beck, here are a few of his most outrageous on-air moments.
Glenn Beck is a Total Gas
In an effort to simplify the complex topic of government spending for his audience, Beck does the only rational thing — he soaks a guest in gasoline. Well, OK, it probably wasn't real gas. But the insanity was all too authentic.
In an effort to prove something about something, Beck goes acrostic-mad, warning people of the coming oligarchy with some fancy letter-circling. There's just one problem: There is no "c" in his version of the word. Beck is quick to acknowledge the error, noting, "there's a letter missing" — before adding a "y." Whatever; do you think Beck's genius can be constrained by the conventions of language?
Glenn Beck and the Tears of a Clown
While discussing an American woman who vanished near the Mexican border, Beck reverts to an old standby of his: Turning on the waterworks and sobbing like a lost baby. No matter what you think of Beck, you have to admit: The guy has bawls.
Glenn Beck, Ladies' Man
Prepare yourself for a crash course in the mating tactics of America's most beloved right-wing pundit. As Beck discusses a racy photo scandal with a comely female correspondent, our man lets slip with a seemingly irresistible offer, noting that he has "some time and a camera." Never mind that look of seeming revulsion on her face — it's actually the expression of a woman suffering from flattery overload.
Glenn Beck Uncovers the Cash for Clunkers Conspiracy
Most people assumed that the Obama Administration's Cash for Clunkers program was merely an effort to get environmentally unsound vehicles off the road while infusing some cash into an ailing auto industry. But Beck knew better — it was actually a scheme to hack into the nation's computers. Good lord, man, you've cracked the code! If only you had your blackboard in front of you, you could have mapped out how the reverse vampires fit into the whole thing.