"We are once again spending money we don't have on things we don't need to give to people we don't like. U-S-A! U-S-A!"
A near-riot over $2 waffle irons, presents stolen at gunpoint, and a woman pepper spraying fellow shoppers over an XBox?
Stephen Colbert says the Black Friday violence can only mean one thing: America is back.
"We are once again spending money we don't have on things we don't need to give to people we don't like," he said on "The Colbert Report" Monday, leading his audience in a chant of "U-S-A! U-S-A!"
Colbert said the extreme shopping is a sign that "this Christmas, we are playing to win." He was especially pleased by the report of the Xbox pepper spray. "I say the Xbox people should turn that into a game. 'Call of Duty: Black Friday Ops,'" he said.
But the satirist did call for a little bit of restraint.
The point is, you've gotta get your gifts by any means necessary," he said. "But it is the holiday season, celebrating Jesus, the prince of peace. So please use non-lethal force only. Pepper spray, tear gas, bean bag bullets, and tasers. All of which I believe are available at Wal-Mart."
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