We're down to five, and the boys approach Chris in Lisbon, Portugal.
Chris tells the guys that those with a rose (I'm a poet and didn’t know it) will be able to introduce Ali to their families. Four dates, no roses, one rose ceremony.
The guys hit up the hotel and find a date card that asks Roberto to be the king of her castle. I wish that was a sexual euphemism, but I doubt it ... Ali walks in (with her boobage/horrible extensions leading the way) and fetches Roberto. They take a few non-HD pictures of themselves in various degrees of fun poses, including one where Ali whispers something horribly dirty into the ear of a palace guard.
For the record, the guard didn't flinch, at least not visibly.
Ali and Roberto pukingly dance in the street and kiss. Just an observation: Whenever a couple engages in excessive PDA, their relationship will always be based on sex. They continue their public display of affection on the tram. Barf...
Another date card is slid under the door, and a two-on-one date is in the cards for Frank and Ty. Frank is unimpressed, and wants more alone time. Back on the PDA date, the kissing couple is perched atop a castle having a picnic. I'm watching and listening what's on the screen, I really am, but Ali's fake laugh is proving too much of a distraction. This setting should be the most romantic thing ever, so why am I having such a hard time keeping the contents of my stomach from spilling all over my laptop?
Three's a crowd. Or is it?
Time for the two-on-one, and Ali is waiting for Ty and Frank by a helicopter. They get a breathtaking view of Lisbon before setting down near another gorgeous castle. They enter the dining room and all sit down to dinner.
Ali is visibly uncomfortable and isn't thrilled with having to dine intimately with two guys. She asks for a lot of wine, and if she plays her cards right she can finally have that threesome she's always fantasized about. She pulls Ty aside first, and they chat about their families. Ty comes across like the real deal, and I am beginning to feel sorry for him for getting involved in this whole Bachelorette fiasco.
Back at the hotel, it's time for yet another date card, where Kirk gets the next one, titled Once Upon a Time. Once upon a time there was this show called "The Bachelor," where every single contestant went on to find love only to be terribly disappointed in the end. Anyway, Frank gets some alone time and drops the bomb that he... are you ready... lives with his parents! It's probably the wine, but Ali appears to honestly be impressed by this. She brings him up into a tree, likely because she always wanted to live out the "Ali-and-so-so-sitting-in-a-tree" sing-song. The three leave their date holding hands. Awww...
Kirk is the king of Ali's castle
Kirk and Ali meet up in a park, and if her skirt were any shorter...
