My client was wearing Hugo Boss, but he reeked of manure.
There are a lot of limo drivers who’d say no to their luxurious leather interior stinking like a barn at the end of a ride, but not me. My limo is like America – a melting pot. Hey, when you say bring me your tired, your poor and your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, don’t leave out the Hollywood community.
My client was on iChat video almost the whole ride from Arcadia down to Beverly Hills. No idea who he was talking to. But it sounded like there was a room full of people on the other end of the line cheering and hollering when he called to deliver his news. My client was pumping his fist and yelling, “We did it! We did it!”
As a matter of professional principle, I don’t listen in to whatever the people in my backseat are discussing. But all the jubilation got me curious.
He told me he worked for HBO. I told him that "Entourage" used to be every limo driver’s favorite, all-time series. But we’re usually on the road and working when the shows air. Thanks to Video on Demand, we don’t have to miss an episode of anything. I told the client my favorite new show was "Luck."
“That’s too bad,” he said. “'Luck' has been canceled.”
I told him I hadn’t heard that bit of bad news. He said that it hadn’t been announced yet, but that I’d hear about it the next day.
I dropped him off at HBO. That’s when I noticed he’d left something behind.
It was rolled up in one of those soft turquoise blue Tiffany wrapping bags so I figured it was pretty valuable. I grabbed it and ran after him.
I tapped him on the shoulder and held out the Tiffany bundle, saying, “You forgot this, mister.”
I expected a thank you, but he looked at it like I was pointing a gun at him.
He swiped my hand aside, knocking the Tiffany wrapping to the ground. Out rolled a gigantic hypodermic needle. The biggest one I ever saw. We stood there frozen for a second. Then he put his hand over his eyes and started shaking.
“I love horses. When they told me to sneak onto the track…I didn’t want to kill it. But we were bleeding money, don’t you see? Hoffman…Mann…Milch…Farina….Nolte. D’you know the cost? And no viewers? It was sick. It had no future. I did a mercy killing, I tell you.
"We had to put it out of its misery.”
“Who? The horse?” I asked.
“No,” he sobbed. “The show.”