“Happiness and Joy” was not just the title of last night’s "Real Housewives of Atlanta" season finale; it also served to express the emotions felt by audiences everywhere elated the humdrum of the past few months was over.
It seems the ladies decided to save the venom we missed for the reunion special airing next week. In the meantime, we were forced to sit through another yawn-inducing episode…
Sparing you the filler, I bring you the epilogues:
Kim and Kroy entered wedded bliss on 11/11/11, but haven’t found time for a honeymoon. Kim surprised Kroy with a Porsche that he’ll be making the payments on, because nothing says "I love you" like a big red bow on the gift of a recurring monthly debit from his own bank account.
Phaedra is busy designing a makeup line that brings dead faces to life as well as developing a fitness video focused on firming and lifting her favorite — the donkey booty.
Cynthia’s Bailey Agency held a model search and in addition to securing some top model rejects, she has been able to keep classes full with Model Mayhem hopefuls. She is now speaking to her sister Malorie again as long as the conversation doesn’t involve Peter.
Sheree still hasn’t received child support and Chateau Sheree never broke ground. Bravo doesn’t suffer down-and-out housewives well: rumor has it Sheree has been fired and won’t return next season.
Kandi mastered country and is now interested in rock.
Mastered country? In what country?!
Whatever her endeavors, she was able to move to a luxury estate. And Kandi finally launched Bedroom Kandi, her discreet sex toy line.
To celebrate, she held a passion party complete with eye candy, massages, gift bags, and Twitter people. Twitter people are the lowly masses that arrived when Kandi tweeted an invitation to her sultry soiree therefore making it non-exclusive and thereby ensuring NeNe left early to avoid the association with such creatures.
Yes, NeNe left early because she couldn’t be surrounded by no-moneyed Twitter people with her new-money self. The former stripper also affected an attitude of disgust at the notion of being in the same room as sex toys.
NeNe has let the money and fame go to her head, but at least it filled up a row of her back teeth since it’s been there. Now divorced from Gregg and living her Hollywood dream as Coach Roz on “Glee,” NeNe believes she’s better than the other Atlanta housewives.
Maybe NeNe will excuse herself from the franchise altogether? And take her — in the words of Marlo, "One Rolex?! That’s Exciting?! One Rolex?" with her.