Why do we care so much about bad-boy actor Charlie Sheen’s latest alleged romp with drugs, porn stars and high-end vodka?
After all, wasn’t it just a few months ago that he trashed some glitzy hotel room or other in a drug-fueled frenzy? Why are we surprised to hear of this latest nasty turn of events in the Sheen household? So big deal, he may be in rehab again. What’s that -- three times this year? Yawn.
While Egypt burns, the Oscar race sizzles and the nasty wintry weather keeps the Northeast hunkered down, all tweets point not to the political climate but to Sheen’s excellent adventure with the skin trade.
It’s the stuff of which producers’ dreams are made: a good-looking bad boy, comely playmates and a designer suitcase (or two) of white stuff (not snow) for good measure.
Oh, and maybe some expensive vodka to take the sting out of the after-burn of snorting. What’s the adage about publicity? Even when it’s bad, it’s good? Well, maybe not this time.
Charlie, whose hard-partying ways have been fodder for the “Two and a Half Men” sitcom (reality show?), has somehow always managed to land on his feet and win over his detractors and naysayers.
But maybe not so this time, thanks to a loquacious party-mate or two who decided to spill the beans on record.
Freebasing cocaine and guzzling vodka were among the party games allegedly played during Sheen’s down time with the porno pals, according to published reports.
And supposedly, Sheen’s now off cozily in rehab while his television show hits the skids indefinitely.
Sheen, reportedly the small-screen’s highest paid celebrity, has slithered into a rehab clinic that remains unnamed, but all signs point to Promises.
It will be hush-hush…for awhile, until the inevitable leaks start springing loose.
According to Sheen’s spokesmouth Stan Rosenfield, Sheen asks his public to be respectful.
Of course, this might be hard to do when porn stars are burning up the gossip columns, both cyber and print, by divulging nitty-gritty, X-rated party details.
The suits at CBS are publically supportive of their chief money-maker’s mental and physical well-being, but wisely have placed the CBS show on indefinite hiatus while Sheen gets his act together.
Or at least gets his story straight.
After all, this cash cow is watched by 14 million viewers on average and 30-second commercial spots go for $200,000. Suddenly, getting Sheen healthy seems a wisely practical goal.
But it’s a shame Sheen hasn’t taken a cue from other rehabbed-celebs who rarely make statements before the ink is dried on their intake applications.
Instead of silently counting his lucky stars that he still had a job to return to, not to mention an intact stomach, Sheen allegedly sent a text message to the gossip site RadarOnline diminishing the hoopla buzzing around his debauchery.
According to the site, Sheen posted: “People don’t seem to get it … Guy can’t have a great time and do his job also?”
And this was after reports said Sheen left Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after having a possible hernia.
Apparently after a wild and crazy time spent with suitcases of coke, porn stars and maybe some nachos, Sheen shared a heap of cocaine (“…the size of my fist,” according to 22-year-old party attendee Kelly Jordan) and laughed himself silly, prompting the hernia scare and hospital run.
Now, Sheen’s supposedly in rehab at the urging of friends and family who are worried about the actor’s welfare.
Question is: why is this so fascinating to the general public?
Do we think his cavalier persona on the television show gives him a wide berth to act like an ass in real life?
Apparently the producers have a lot of faith in his ability to become a grown-up.
In fact, some re-working of the show’s title may be a good idea, with Sheen portraying the "half" a man.
Meanwhile, the public awaits with baited breath the next leak from whatever rehab facility this semblance of a man has checked himself into.