He is the face and lips of the Great American Rock ’n’ Roll band, but as dynamic as he can appear onstage with Aerosmith, Steven Tyler is a terrible choice for a new judge on “American Idol.”
Why?
He’s too damn old. He’s too damn dull.
“He’s a relic,” one industry observer said dismissively of the 62-year old frontman to me Tuesday, following all the reports that Tyler is a done deal for the Fox amateur-hour hit. “All he brings to the show is a scarf and giant lips.”
Now, as both Tyler and Mick Jagger will tell you, there’s a lot of mileage to be had in a scarf and giant lips -- but not necessarily a lot of judgment. And judgment, on both sides of the camera, is what you need to resurrect a former ratings behemoth like “Idol” – especially after the disappointing season it had last year and the departure of bitchy Brit Simon Cowell.
Of course, Tyler does provide the novelty factor of actually having a genuine rock star on “Idol.” And they always could have done worse. (Don’t let the tour bus door hit your skank-loving ass on the way out, Bret Michaels.)
When "Idol" started to look for new judges this year, Tyler -- who between rehab and band tensions hasn't had the best of years -- probably didn’t think twice about taking the plunge.
“American Idol,” on the other hand, should have.
For a show increasingly skewing and feeling older, “Idol” should have gone young and brave -- Justin Timberlake being the ideal. The worst part is Tyler probably wasn’t the first one on returning “Idol” executive producer Nigel Lythgoe‘s call sheet. Tyler’s the one you reach out to after Elton and Cher said "Not interested."
So what, besides a lot of Aerosmith tunes being sung by contestants, can we expect if Tyler actually gets the new gig?
True, Tyler can be saucy and sassy, but that’s in short sound-bitten bursts. In fact, left to his extended own devices -- as too many interviewers and musicians have discovered -- the hyperactive singer can ramble in a way that makes Paula Abdul look positively poetic.
His acting career, like the cameo as himself with John Travolta in “Be Cool,” never really blew anyone’s wig off. And while no one would undermine his love of his craft, Tyler’s never displayed the greatest of insights when it comes to talking about music.
If Ellen DeGeneres is the standard, that would make him the perfect “Idol” judge -- but the point is not to limbo that low again.
Now don’t get me wrong. I love Aerosmith. To me, it really is the Great American Rock 'n' Roll band -- more than Van Halen, more than Kiss -- and a truly great American tale of redemption.
