The show opens with Chris telling us he's starting to fall in love with Ali. Love is so blind, isn't it?

We get rehashes of all three men packing for Tahiti and singing Ali's praises. Ya know, even if they were literally singing, it'd come off less cheesy than the crap they're spouting right now. It's almost as if it's scripted. Nahhhh ... Then, right away, Frank clues us in that he hasn't got over his ex-girlfriend, Nicole.

He tells the camera that the right thing to do is go to Chicago to visit the ex to see if his feelings are true. And, he came on this show why? Cut to commercial.

Frank is already in Chicago, and he's talking incessantly about his insecurities regarding both women. So, let me get this straight ... the producers of this show, who have made such a fuss about guys coming on with girlfriends, are...

We're down to five, and the boys approach Chris in Lisbon, Portugal. 

Chris tells the guys that those with a rose (I'm a poet and didn’t know it) will be able to introduce Ali to their families. Four dates, no roses, one rose ceremony.

The guys hit up the hotel and find a date card that asks Roberto to be the king of her castle. I wish that was a sexual euphemism, but I doubt it ... Ali walks in (with her boobage/horrible extensions leading the way) and fetches Roberto. They take a few non-HD pictures of themselves in various degrees of fun poses, including one where Ali whispers something horribly dirty into the ear of a palace guard.

For the record, the guard didn't flinch, at least not visibly.

Ali and Roberto pukingly dance in the street and kiss. Just an observation: Whenever a couple engages in excessive PDA, their...

As the show begins, we learn that "ast" is the word for love in Icelandic. *insert ass joke here* The boys are in the airport talking about love, Iceland, blah blah blah ... and already I’m falling asleep. Ali talks about the volcano erupting and how it was an exciting time to be there. Tell that to the airlines, Ali.

Chris is there, too, and he advises the boys of a group date, a one-on-one, and a two-on-one where only one of the two will be continuing this journey. For the one-on-one, the best love poem will get the special date. Bonus points will be given to he who can use an Icelandic word or two in the poem. Hmm, the boys are thinking, how can I use the word "Ast" in a poem without making reference to anything ass-related?

It's poem-writin' time, and the boys have one hour. Several of the dudes walk around town...

Chris opens the show with the announcement that once again it’s going to be one group date and two individual dates. Roberto is first up for the individual date, and Ali tells the camera that she hasn't had the chance to really know him yet. I’m assuming she’s speaking biblically.

She shows up in a "Flashdance" outfit and the two are whisked away on a chopper. Ali is still afraid of flying and works it to her advantage enticing Roberto to hold her tight the entire duration of the flight. They land on top of a tall downtown building and she lets him know that in order to get dinner, they're going to have to tightrope across to another building to get to the table. When did this show become Fear Factor? And, more importantly, how sad is it that I would pay a lot of money to have Joe Rogan show up just to liven things up a bit? As they're halfway...