First things first: A big “bugger off!” to all the spoilers. You know who you are -- anyone using the social networking site known as “Facebook.”
But let's get to the show.
The camera panned out over the packed Nokia Theater audience, which featured “celebrities” such as Joely Fisher and “World’s First Supermodel” Janice Dickinson.
BTW ... whatever happened to the Kodak? It was good enough for me when I sat in the very last row and witnessed Kelly Clarkson’s win. Yup, I was there. Have I mentioned that yet today?
Seacrest announced that over 100 million votes came in last night. (At least a good one seventh of those had to be compliments of yours truly, voting for Kris Allen.) He also promised plenty of surprises, which took form in the sheer number of guest performances.
Then we “paid respect” to the four judges who have so “professionally” guided us through the season. By “paying respect” I think they mean “mocking them with embarrassing clips.” And I guess “professionalism” means “keeping the show in the news by having catfights via US Weekly.”
We “paid respect” to Randy first, who looked like he was auditioning for “Revenge of the Nerds V.” The producers have to be commended for not going for the obvious: his usage of the words “dawg” and “pitchy.” Instead we revisited the many times he has said “for me” and “for you.” For me though, it was funny enough, dawg, as I guess his outfit was too “recent” to be featured.
Next up was Kara’s repeated usage of the words “sweetie” and “honey” while crushing dreams. Example: “Sweetie, you seem really nice, but you should have a psychological assessment if you really thought you had a chance. Oh, and you’re fat, too.” OK, I made that quote up but they all had that same gist to them.
A lot of people have not given Kara the proper credit she deserves. I think she was an asset to this season, not only due to her singing and songwriting abilities, but also due to her commitment to cutting the BS, like, say, another female judge, which brings us to ...
The producers were clearly wary of a lawsuit when it came to Paula’s clips. Rather than poking fun at her odd metaphors or even her QVC jewelry, they opted instead to tease her for her interesting and extensive vocabulary. Not very funny, seeing as most of the words (“brilliance,” “authentic”) are ones that most of us use each day.
They should’ve just gone for the easy laugh and played back her performance of “I’m Just Here for the Music.” To use one of Paula’s vocabulary words, that was “infectious!” (Wait, “infectious” means “bad,” right, like an infection?)
Up next was Sexy ...er ... Simon Cowell and his “hearing problem.” I don’t care whether he can hear or not, as long as he shows up in his tight T-shirts and says mean things. He is the star of the show, enough said.
