Do the ‘Housewives of O.C.’ Have Their Heads on Straight

This show has made me embarrassed to be a woman — whereas the ladies of New Jersey made me so proud

Last night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” was even more shocking than the wrong Voltaggio brother winning “Top Chef.”

Granted, there wasn’t anything as dramatic as wig pulling or Steven Seagal’s, um, “policing,” but some of the “First Ladies of Bravo” really don’t seem to have their heads screwed on straight (though I’m sure they’d be interested if there is a plastic surgery for that).  

Yeah, I know. Stop the presses. But this show has really made me a little embarrassed to be a woman. (Whereas the ladies of New Jersey made me so proud.)

First off, there was Lynne, who underwent a face and neck lift. I’ll cut her some slack; plastic surgery is practically a requirement for being a Housewife and her toned body did not exactly match her face. (It’s called sunscreen!)

But it was the fact that she funded her 19-year-old daughter, Raquel’s, nose job on the same day that really bothered me. 

Raquel was a perfectly beautiful girl before with a perfectly cute nose. What kind of message does it send to a young girl when her own mother can’t see that? “I feel like it was a great bonding experience for Raquel and I,” said Lynne after her surgery.

Gag.

Lynne seems very sweet (if not a little misguided in the fashion department) but the only sane one in this family is 16-year-old Alexa, who pleaded with her mom and sister to forgo surgery and insisted that they looked fine they way they were.

Speaking of mothers teaching their daughters that beauty equals happiness … In an effort to instill in them the importance of “taking care of themselves,” new Housewife Alexis took her twin daughters for their first mani/pedis. Cute, right? Did I mention that they’re not even 2 yet? I guess it shouldn’t surprise me, seeing as Alexis has been getting Botox ever since she was all of 27.  

Still, something is really wrong with this picture. Alexis has more than hinted at the fact that staying fit and young is at the top of the list of wifely duties and her daughters will, no doubt, hear this message as well.  Playing with your mom’s makeup is one thing but being put on a beauty regiment is another.

I smell pageants!

The other thing about Alexis is the control her husband seems to have over her. When asked to go on a Florida trip with the girls, she invited her husband, from whom she’s never spent a day apart.  Some people may think that’s sweet; I think it’s insane.  

Additionally, Alexis told Gretchen about how “godly” her husband Jim is and how God told her not to let him go. I’m not kidding; she literally said, in a perfectly Hannah Montana-type way, “ I’m, like, OK, God. What are you trying to do right now?”

She then explained that she and Jim don’t lure temptation in, which left Gretchen scratching her head, as Alexis seems to wear the tightest outfits and has huge “lures” right there on her chest.

Tamra is another one whose husband rules the roost. Even with money problems, her husband was not keen on her going back to work in real estate, hinting that it’s her job to take care of the kids. He was also not keen on her going to Florida without him and invited himself along.  

I guess that these antiquated ideas shouldn’t surprise me, as “housewife” itself is a pretty antiquated concept. Still, these families are successful financially and that is something that viewers want to emulate. Perhaps some of the dumber ones will think that they can achieve these lifestyles by submitting to their husbands and then getting plastic surgery to keep said husbands.  

Oh, and speaking of plastic surgery, “The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty” premieres Sunday on A&E.  We’ll talk Monday.