Leno Takes on Dave’s Sextortion Scandal

Read the jokes from tonight’s “Jay Leno Show” monologue.

Yes, he went there.

Jay Leno didn’t ignore David Letterman’s sextortion crisis during his opening monlogue on "The Jay Leno Show" tonight. Indeed, it was the first topic out of the gate for Leno.

It’s hardly surprising Leno would tackle the subject– l’affair Letterman has dominated the cable news and Internet worlds all day. To ignore it would have have been weird.

Leno didn’t attack Dave at all, and instead focused on the hoopla around the matter.

Check out the transcript below:

SETTLE DOWN. IF YOU CAME HERE TONIGHT FOR SEX WITH A TALK SHOW HOST, YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG STUDIO.

WHAT IS GOING ON? FIRST CONAN HITS HIS HEAD, AND THEN SOMEBODY TRIES TO EXTORT MONEY FROM LETTERMAN… I’M SO GLAD I’M OUT OF LATE NIGHT.

I WAS ONCE A VICTIM OF AN EXTORTION PLOT. HOW DO YOU THINK NBC GOT ME TO DO A TEN O’CLOCK SHOW? THAT’S WHY I’M HERE.

THIS GUY WHO WAS TRYING TO BLACKMAIL LETTERMAN WAS A PRODUCER FROM THE SHOW “48 HOURS.” IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE, AT LEAST IT WASN’T A PRODUCER FROM “TO CATCH A PREDATOR.” THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BAD.

I’M HAPPY TO SAY THAT I’VE NEVER HAD A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY OF MY STAFF MEMBERS. (DROP-IN: CUT TO SMITTY/ THROWS DOWN HIS DRUMSTICKS AND STORMS OFF THE STAGE)