Well, despite the laugh-a-minute fun of hellfire and eternal damnation, Saturday’s impending Rapture does offer one downside for us sinners. With squeaky clean Lauren and Scotty undoubtedly ascending to that big honky tonk in the sky, it pretty much takes all the suspense out of which sultry singer will be crowned the next “American Idol.”
(That is, of course, if the Big Guy doesn’t take Lauren’s fashion sins into account.)
Seriously, though, with the finale only a week away, it is anyone’s guess as to who will take home the coveted title. Randy handed out “in it to win it’s” the way Schwarzenegger hands out houses to baby-mamas, while mentor Jimmy Iovine said that he’s “in love with all of them.”
With the judges displaying considerable restraint in the favoritism department, guess we’re tasked with making our own decision, America. Each contestant sang three songs -- one of their choosing, one chosen by Jimmy and one selected by the judges. Interestingly enough, there was nary a negative comment regarding song choice, though some of the selections were as iffy as an STD test on "Jersey Shore."
Beyonce was on hand to mentor the kids and debut her disturbing video for the not-quite-radio-friendly “Run the World.” (Do not watch if you have epilepsy or a fear of hyenas.) Kind of like the Lauren Conrad of music, she’s not only a singer; she’s a songwriter/choreographer/actor/fashion designer.
Sasha, you are way too fierce for me!
ROUND 1 -- CONTESTANT’S CHOICE
SCOTTY McCREERY “Amazed” by Lonestar
McCreepy’s choice gave Beyonce an opportunity to use her acting chops to deliver lines such as: “I love Lonestar!” She thinks Scooter’s charm is “so innocent” and that he’s a “cutie pie.” It was a pretty shrewd move for Scotty to chose this song. Though it stays comfortably country, it showcases his higher range, a side that we haven’t seen much of. Amid (truly apocalyptic) signs that read “Scotty the Body” and “Scotty Rocks My Boots,” McCreery delivered an admirable vocal. If only he could refrain from constantly throwing gang signs! Steven liked that he “got angry” at the end of the song and thought he took the piece up a notch. Jennifer was happy that he used his vibrato like she told him to and thinks that there are a million girls out there wishing he were singing to them. (Seriously?) Randy bragged that he produced Boyz II Men’s version of the same song before proclaiming that “Scotty is money!”
LAUREN ALAINA “Wild One” by Faith Hill
Beyonce enjoys Lauren most when she’s singing fun songs because they loosen her up. It’s true; Lauren has been on the cusp of amazing many a time but she always seems to be in her head a little, judging herself as she sings. An empathetic Beyonce, shy by nature, gave her a lesson in Sasha Fierce 101. Borrowing boots from Western Barbie and earrings from the family Christmas tree, Lauren belted out a song she has been singing since childhood.
