It took me almost a full week, but I’m finally able to sleep through the night without terrifying images of last week’s “So You Think You Can Dance” zombie numbers flashing through my mind. (To be fair, though, I’ve been using my David Archuleta night light.)
If I can survive that, I can survive anything, right? Wrong!
Last night’s elimination episode featured a group dance with the only thing scarier than the undead. (No, not the pageant moms from “Toddlers and Tiaras.”)
Clowns. Six of them. In full face paint.
Seems that Archuleta will be lighting my way through yet another week.
In efforts to stretch a show that should take about 10 minutes into a full hour, four Emmy-nominated dances from last season were reprised, including Jessica and Will’s “Silence,” whose costumes seemed to be inspired by either Adam and Eve or “The Swamp Thing.” “America’s Best Dance Crew” champions, JabbaWockeeZ, also performed. (In creepy blank masks, I might add. Thank goodness for Archuleta!)
These performances still weren’t enough to fill the entire hour, so in a move that, by comparison, made Katie Holmes’ appearance seem completely relevant to the world of dance, the producers had rapper Sean Paul perform his song, “So Fine.” In his defense, though, he did have back-up dancers. (No pressure, girls.)
On Wednesday night’s show, Nigel expressed concern that the audience had been voting on the choreography rather than the actual dancing.
How dare he! Does he think I’m an idiot? I know that choreography is not the most important component of dance! I’ve been voting solely on the costumes.
Honestly, though, if I look beyond the outfits and the adorability of Evan, I’d have to admit that the strongest dancers in this competition are Brandon and Kayla. Yes, Kayla’s Wednesday night solo was awkwardly choreographed with randomly placed leaps and squats. But said leaps and squats were still perfectly executed.
Brandon’s solo dance to “O Fortuna,” on the other hand, got a standing ovation from the judges. It would’ve earned one from me as well but I was too dumbfounded to move after watching him leap and flip in his briefs. (Extra costume points for, uh, no costume!)
And if their solo dances didn’t seal their fates, the number they performed together certainly did. The high-energy disco routine was kind of like if the cast of Xanadu competed in a gymnastics meet while high on cocaine. And I mean that in the best way possible. America liked it, too, and Brandon and Kayla will both be competing in next week’s finale.
In the end it was Ade and Melissa who ended up dancing out of our lives. Yes, their cancer routine was enough to save them last week but this week they weren’t given anything quite as powerful. For instance, one of Ade and Jeanine’s dances was about eviction.
I did not make that up.
While Melissa is graceful and poised, I’m not sure that those qualities appeal to America.
