"THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY"
Are you affluent or do you date men who are? Do you dress inappropriately for your age? Are you part of a group of frenemies who gossip and drink too much? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be a housewife (at least in the Bravo world).
The thing with the “Real Housewives” franchise is that it’s pretty much the same formula every time, with different backdrops and lingo. “Bubbies” and “the girls” both mean breasts apparently; just on opposite coasts.
The latest version, set in New Jersey, just aired its big finale this week. For those of your who haven’t watched this season -- and you must -- allow me to give you an overview.
It basically all comes down to one word: Mafia. Um, I mean “family.” Dina and Caroline are sisters who are married to brothers. Jacqueline is married to Dina and Caroline’s brother. Got that?
Caroline, who is kind of like Tony Soprano in a dress, says things like, “We're as thick as thieves. And we protect each other to the end." Apparently the protection of the “family” is not enough, as Caroline showed off her attack dog in the finale. “We are well known in the community,” she offers.
There’s also the sweet and very Italian Teresa, whose main story lines included building an ostentatious home that has the warmth of a mausoleum (because it’s “gross” to live in someone’s old home) and buying herself a pair of “bubbies.” Taking over the “reigns of delusion” from Atlanta “Housewives” Kim and Sheree, Teresa hopes to get her outgoing (read: spoiled) daughter, Gia, into acting. (Never mind the fact that the kid has no talent for it.)
The main conflict this first season involved a shady lady named Danielle, if that is even her real name. (It’s not.) “Danielle” is a single mother to two young girls whom she refers to as her “best friends.” And, by the way, we all know that you have to share every detail of your sex life with your “best friends.”
Jacqueline, the “peacemaker” of the group, befriended “Danielle” and was met with the disapproval of her sisters-in-law. And you know what happens to girls who disappoint the “family.”
Not to give too much away, but this season ends with the obligatory “Housewives” dinner party and catfight. (Are the blowups part of their contracts?) It involves something the girls refer to as “The Book” (the real title is “Cop Without a Badge”), presumably lots and lots of alcohol and the usually innocuous Teresa basically throwing a whole table over and freaking out all bug-eyed. (It was very David Banner/Incredible Hulk. And did I mention ... hilarious?)
Trust me, if you haven’t caught this show, you must. In fact, Thursday night Bravo is airing additional footage from the crazy dinner party, and next Tuesday all five episodes will be shown followed by a reunion.
"SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE"
I am learning so much about dance! Not enough to think that I can ... but much more than I knew before!
For instance, did you know that it’s common for a dance number to have a “story?” It’s OK; I didn’t know, either.
