From the home office in midtown Manhattan: David Letterman's latest broadsides on the LateNightCrisis2010.
“Things are getting interesting in late-night television. You know what’s going on, ladies and gentlemen? Chaos and craziness and mayhem – a couple of minutes ago, Conan O’Brien, who was the host of ‘The Tonight Show’ over there at NBC, announced that he would not follow Jay Leno at 12:05. Yeah, so you know what this means – that’s right, I knocked off another competitor.”
“Conan said he made the decision not to follow Leno at 12:05 after he talked to Johnny Carson."
"But listen to this: If Conan does leave ‘The Tonight Show,’ President Obama then has to appoint a replacement.”
“And then I got a call just before I came out here from NBC, and they said, ‘Look, look, we still don’t want you back.’”
" And now, so Jay Leno apparently is moving back to 11:30, and this has been hard on my mom. It’s been tough on my mom because for the last six months she’s been forced to watch me.”
“And now, according to the New York Times, Al Qaeda is claiming responsibility for the wreckage at NBC.”
“Simon Cowell is leaving ‘American Idol,’ but don’t worry – we’ve checked and Jay’s fingerprints are nowhere on this one.”
Want the week's top TV news delivered directly to your mailbox? Sign up for TheWrap on TV, a weekly email newsletter.