I’ve come to a few realizations this week. Number one, competitive dating shows just aren’t as addictive when the contestants are men vying for the affections of one woman. Cases in point: “The Bachelorette” and “Daisy of Love.” Bottom line, guys just aren’t as crazy, backstabbing and stalkerish as women are. Read: crazy = entertaining.
Come on, isn’t it time for Bret Michaels to break up with that Penthouse model already and try to find a new “Rock of Love”? I look to these, uh, “ladies” to bolster my self esteem.
Realization number two: Heidi and Spencer Pratt are this week’s Jon and Kate.
"THE HILLS"
Ding dong, the bore is gone! The Season 5 finale of the “unscripted” drama was set against the backdrop of Speidi’s wedding. And, awwww, they do care! As a treat to viewers, they made sure that this one was actually recognized by the state!
Highlights of the episode included: Heidi being escorted down the aisle by Yosemite Sam (or maybe her dad?); Justin Bobby strolling into a place of worship looking like he’d been on a three-day bender and maid of honor, Holly, having some kind of rehearsal dinner crying fit. Jealous much, sis?
Oh, yeah, and did I mention that it was “leading lady” Lauren Conrad’s last episode? Must’ve slipped my mind. I have to say that I’ve never been a fan. I mean, why watch good girls get drunk and whine about stupid boys when I can do that on my own?
Now, watching bad girls get drunk and get into catfights over stupid boys? That’s more my style.
Enter Kristin Cavallari.
While Heidi and Spencer would have you believe that the episode was all about their nuptials, we know better. It was clearly all about Kristin’s coronation as MTV’s new golden girl. Cavallari made a “surprise” last-minute entrance to the fete before making LC squirm in her pew and catching the bouquet (metaphor, anyone?). With that, Lauren moped over to her Town Car with her tail between her legs and rode into oblivion.
Unless you’ve been under a rock, you’re aware that Ms. Cavallari is replacing LC as the series‘ obligatory blonde girl from Laguna Beach. So much to look forward to ... Can I suggest getting a new theme song? That “Unwritten” is so tired (especially when you consider that that show is so ... well, written). “The Bitch Is Back” could work.
Miss Heidi and Spencer already? Wait, you don’t have time to! They're the main attraction on ...
"I’M A CELEBRITY ... GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
(Don’t tell Janice Dickinson!) The newest incarnation of this show (a similar version aired on ABC in 2003) is a kind of “Fear Factor” meets “Survivor” meets “Surreal Life” hybrid and is a real envelope pusher. OK, not so much with its actual content but with its loose definition of the word “celebrity.”
“Mega-watt” stars include: reality “performers” the Pratts; Dickinson (who is probably now more famous for being a reality star than a model), one of the Baldwin brothers (specifically, “Stephen;” more specifically, the one who appeared on not one but two “Celebrity Moles”); Sanjaya (Is there even a need for a last name?) Malakar; comedy duo Frangela from, among other things, VH1’s “Best Week Ever;” former wrestler Torrie Wilson; real live actor, Lou Diamond Phillips; NBA veteran John Salley; and, uh ... Patti Blagojevich.
