Though Alec Baldwin didn’t pop up as Donald Trump on this week’s “SNL,” that doesn’t mean the cold open was without star power. Indeed, we got Ben Stiller popping in to reprise his impression of Trump’s former fixer Michael Cohen, and then “SNL” cast member Bill Hader showed up as Republican representative Jim Jordan.
“Thank you for inviting me here today to correct the record under oath. Of course, the first time I testified was also under oath. But this time, I like really mean it,” Stiller’s Cohen said to open his testimony. “I’m here today to tell you that Mr. Trump is a racist.”
Stiller paused for a moment, then continued after realizing he wasn’t going to get the response he wanted. “Wow. I thought that would get a really much bigger reaction.”
“I know that I was wrong. And I know it, ’cause I got caught,” Stiller’s Cohen continued. “For too many years, I was loyal to a man when I should not have been. Now I know how Khloe Kardashian feels. But now, I’m all out of faith. This is how I feel. I’m cold. And I’m ashamed. Lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real. I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. Thank you.”
That last bit was a lyric from the song “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia.
“Now I’d like to open the floor so the Republicans can get angry at everyone except the president,” said longtime “SNL” cast member Kenan Thompson as the House Oversight Committee chair Elijah Cummings. “The chair recognizes the congressman from Ohio, Mr. Jordan.”
Then came former “SNL” cast member Bill Hader as Jordan.
“Good afternoon, Mr. chairman,” Hader said before turning to Stiller. “Good afternoon to you, you lying piece of human trash!
“Mr. chairman, you’re right. I’m angry. I’m angry that I have to sit here through this two-bit dirt bag flee circus. I’m so angry I couldn’t even wear a jacket today. You know something, Mr. Cohen. I’ve never even heard of you!”
“Your mother has,” Stiller as Cohen retorted.
“Hey, hey, hey. You don’t scare me with your liar mouth,” Hader continued. “Oh, I’m about to pop off! You have been working in some of the sleaziest circles in America for years. What other criminals and lowlifes have you worked for?”
“I was the deputy finance chairman for the Republican party, sir.”
“What?” Hader’s Jordan exclaimed. “Is that true? Oh, damn it. I yield of the rest of my time.”
The bulk of the rest of the sketch saw other members of the committee yielding their time back to Jordan so he could continue to embarrass himself.
Watch some clips from the cold open below:
Let’s get this hearing underway.
@RedHourBen #SNL pic.twitter.com/IfPy1DPXQ7— Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) March 3, 2019
The chair recognizes the congressman from Ohio, Mr. Jordan. #SNL pic.twitter.com/fLsgqGraC6
— Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) March 3, 2019