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The Awesome Awfulness That Is the Elimination Show

Wham!, Miley, Joe and Demi-not-Moore … and we get to see someone booted off, too!

There is one good thing about this season of “American Awful.” In years past, I never gave the results shows the credit they deserved. I was too focused on — I don’t know — the amazing performances and singing from the night before.

Well, with none of those silly distractions to impede our fun this year, we can focus on the true awesomeness that is the “Idol” elimination episode.

First off, there was the “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” group number. I’m guessing that they chose this number (and the guest performers) back when this was supposed to be Teen Idol Week. Interesting pick, not because Wham! was adored by teenage girls everywhere but because nothing says “teen” like a song about masturbation! (Allegedly.)
 
One wonders why they even bother to do these group numbers at all when it is so obvious that they are lip-synching (badly). Of course, this is coming from the girl who shelled out big bucks to see the Spice Girls on their reunion tour, so … I think I have some answers. 
 
For one thing, it’s the only time all week that we get to hear all the Idols actually sing on pitch. (Thanks, Auto-Tune!) In fact, judging from last night’s performance alone, you’d think that Didi, Crystal and Paige were gearing up to become the Andrews Sisters of the new millennium! 
 
Also, I think the producers’ intent is that we see the contestants having “relaxed fun” with each other. “Hey, if they can sing well together, maybe we can take this on the road and make some money!” Oh, wait … OK, so maybe the group number is just a rehearsal for the Top 10 Tour. Whatever. I’ll save my money and watch Bowersox snap, smile and step-touch (awkwardly) from my living room. (That’s not to say that I won’t be attending “Glee in Concert.”)
 
Then there were the teentastic guest performances. Now, I’ve read “The Secret” enough to know that thoughts become things, but let me say for the record that last week’s comment that “Idol” should feature “true artists … people like Demi Lovato and Justin Bieber” was meant to be factious. The Universe doesn’t understand sarcasm, though. Remember that, grasshoppers.
 
I have to admit that Miley did a fairly good job on her song, “When I Look at You.” I mean, yes, she seems a little young to be wearing a floor-length evening gown on “American Idol.” And, yes, thrashing her head around like a lunatic in convulsions while still in said evening gown didn’t exactly detract from her immaturity. But, hey, like the song says, “she’s just bein’ Miley.”
 
As for Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas, could there be a more beautiful couple? Sure, with her caked-on makeup Lovato looked about 20 years older than her youthful 17. (Wait, was that Demi Moore?) But, wow! That Joe Jonas is a handsome fella! While Lovato continuously executed the strange hand flourishes of a “Price is Right” girl or a magician’s assistant (ta-da!) as they sang “Make a Wave,” Joe’s confidence almost made me forget about the lack of personality he displayed when he guest judged the Dallas auditions. Good job, guys!
 
As for the contestants and their personalities …
Oh sorry, I dozed off for a second. The contestants! Right! Well, Siobhan’s bushy-bearded boss made a pledge that he will not shave until she wins. (In a completely unrelated story, Crystal Bowersox has taken a similar oath.) Also, apparently Katie Stevens’ dad can’t stand watching her compete and left to go find a bar during taping. No. seriously. It’s weird because the rest of America can’t stand watching her compete, either. (Barmaid! Two tequilas please!)
 
The eliminations offered no big surprises. The Bottom 3 came down to Tim Urban, Katie Stevens and Paige Miles, contestants who are, quite frankly, lucky to have made it this far. Paige was the one to unceremoniously be let go this week. In fact, the judges flat-out told her that they wouldn’t use their save on her before she even sang. It seemed a bit cruel, but come on. I can barely even think of anyone they would use it on at this point.
 
My not-so-risky prediction is that Katie and Tim will be the next to go. I guess it just depends on who can do a better job of massacring next week’s theme, R&B. Mormons, get your dialing fingers ready ‘cause my bet’s on Tim.