We are down to five girls and the road trip had come to an end in San Francisco. Jake will eliminate one more girl before we have the hometown dates next week.
As the RV is pulling up to the hotel, the girls are all giddy and someone says, “Where’s our man?” That they think they are all friends is very entertaining. They are just ridiculous and the silliest of all is Tenley, who gets the first date.
Tenley’s voice grates on my nerves. She sounds so sugary and childlike. If I were a guy, trying to make out with this chick, her voice would bug the crap out of me. She is annoying and her naivete is not attractive. She has milked the divorce card about as much as I can stand.
They are headed to Chinatown for some exploring, which I think is a fabulous date. Jake is wearing a black turtleneck sweater and he looks absolutely fabulous. A man in a turtleneck is very sexy and Jake is rocking it. He looked so good that I forget about how annoying Tenley is for a minute.
Back at the hotel, the next date card arrives. It’s a double date, and Corrie says it’s for Vienna and Ali. Ali’s response is that she feels sick at the news. This girl is mean. She thinks she can scare Vienna, but it’s not happening. She is a joy-sucker and I’m on Team Vienna.
Corrie is kidding and it’s really Vienna and Gia who go on the date. Vienna is upset, but a lady, and wants to walk away from Ali. Ali tells Vienna that if she is upset with her, she should tell her. Vienna tells her she is still upset from the last rose ceremony where Ali was mean.
Ali says it’s not about Vienna, which is a total crock because last week she said it was all because of Vienna. Ali is horrible. She was my top pick on the first day, but no more. I met her at the Bachelor house and she was sweet, but now thinking back, I see she was conniving and mean-spirited then, too.
Tenley and Jake are now having dinner and Jake is talking like he planned the whole thing. It cracks me up. I’m sure he found out that morning what they planned for them, yet he talks like he planned it weeks ago.
Jake says Tenley is the one he can most see as his wife. I just don’t get it. It will be like two pieces of white toast getting married and making a loaf of white toast babies. I’m bored just thinking about it. He tells her she knows more about marriage than he does, and they should talk about it.
Jake, she was married for five minutes and her husband left her for someone at work. She may not be an expert. I would suggest listening to your parents’ take on matrimony over the Disney Princess. I’m just saying. Jake talks about what he thinks a marriage is and it’s lovely.
He tells Tenley that marriage will never be perfect, but the love can be. That is my defining moment with Jake. I fell in love with him, and after all these weeks I finally get his appeal. Perhaps white toast is not too bad if you spice it up. The problem is Tenley is mayo, which is boring on boring.
It’s now time for Gia and Vienna and they are off to a vineyard in Napa. Vienna is my favorite. She is really honest and funny. She has not stabbed anyone in the back, and whatever she tells one of the girls, she tells Jake. She is the only one who does not appear to blatantly lie. (At left, Jake, left, Vienna and Gia on their date)
Back at the hotel Ali is starting to backpedal. She is all of a sudden worried that Vienna will tell Jake what a horrible girl she’s been. I’m not buying it for one minute. She is trying to save her sinking ship and it’s too late.
Jake pulls Gia away for a little private time. She tells Jake how she is getting jealous, and it’s hard for her because she thinks they do things that are special to them, when really he is doing them with all the girls. He reassures her that all is well and she asks him, “Is it OK to fall?”
He tells her it’s OK and then makes out with her. That one line is going to come back to bite him in the backside. He is not going to pick her, then on the limo ride out of there, she will be crying about how he told her it was OK to fall, and she will throw it in his face. You’re getting sloppy, Jake.
Jake and Gia are making out and Vienna is walking through the castle looking for them, and calling out his name in a panic because she is lost. Lost with a camera crew and production staff, but still lost. She calls out, “Jake? Honey?” I love this girl and really think she is the best of the bunch. He will always be entertained with her.
Jake and Vienna are now alone and chatting. It’s awkward. She is so honest and open, but he appears to not really care. They don’t make out, or hold hands, or anything. Not sure if it’s creative editing to psych us out, or if the magic between the two of them is fading.
Jake takes the girls to see their room and we are hit with reality television perfection. It’s the greatest line of the night, and it comes courtesy of our girl Vienna: “Gia is a beautiful girl and she is really smart.” I am still laughing about this one. Really smart! Vienna is hilarious!
Vienna heads to Jake’s room with a bottle of wine to get a few more minutes with “her man.” He is in bed, in boxers, and he tells her she should go back to her room so the other girls are not upset. Her plan to make out backfired, and she is sent her off with her tail between her legs.
It’s now time for a one-on-one date with Corrie. Who is Corrie? I have no idea. This chick is invisible and I do not understand why she is still there. Truth is, I didn’t know she was still there. We know nothing about her except her name, and even that is hard to remember half the time.
They are in a rowboat in the park. It is romantic and beautiful and the conversation is painful. They have nothing to say to each other. There are so many opportunities for them to kiss, and nothing. It is excruciating to watch and you know it’s over for her.
Corrie is 23 and a “wardrobe consultant,” which I’m guessing means she works at Macy’s. They have a lovely date and settle in for dinner. Then the big announcement: Corrie is a virgin. The only thing more uncomfortable than her saying she is a virgin is Jake’s response: He is totally turned on by it and goes in for the smooch.
Here’s the thing: He knew he was never going to keep her. He knew there was no connection. He knew he was bored with her. Even after knowing all of that, and her admission that she moves slow because she is a virgin, he still kisses her. I think it was a bad decision on his part.
If you are going to make a virgin sacrifice to the reality gods, then let her leave with her dignity. She was so close to getting out of there unscathed and he ruined it. I’m back to thinking Jake is not that great of a catch. Gorgeous in his turtleneck, but not classy.
Last date of the trip is with mean girl Ali. She lives in San Francisco and is going to show him around. She is nervous and excited. Tenley is so excited for her that I find it creepy. Ali has a huge beach bag with her. What is she schlepping around?
Ali and Jake make the most attractive couple. The will have beautiful toast babies. They walk along the beach and then settle in for a serious chat. Jake wants to talk about her reaction to his choices at the last rose ceremony.
Ali says she just wants him to be happy. That is such a crock. None of these girls care whether he’s happy. They only care that he chooses them and that they are happy together. Ali tries to sell herself as this great girl who has no issues with Vienna. She is playing the game, saying what he wants to hear. She is a manipulative liar.
It’s the final rose ceremony. Jake is hanging with Corrie and he tells her that she is not any different from how he wanted her to be. He is about to dump the virgin. He liked knowing that she was one, but he’s looking to knock some boots and so she’s out. Poor girl just does not see it coming.
He spends a few minutes with each of the girls and they make a plea for their love. Gia wants to stand out to him and Corrie does not want to be labeled the virgin. Ali and Tenley are gossiping and Vienna goes to spend time with Jake. He seems to really dig her, but won’t just let loose.
He gives the first rose to Tenley. Then we have Ali and Gia. It’s down to Vienna and what’s-her-name. The virgin is out. It’s so sad that she didn’t want to be labeled the virgin, but the fact is that we don’t remember her, or her name, so she will now forever be known as the virgin.
I think she cries in the limo not because she is sad, but because she is mad he kissed her when she was one day away from leaving untouched. Jake says he dumped her because he was worried she would never open up completely for him. That is a hilarious line to be the last thing he says about the virgin.
Hometown dates are next week. The promo looks fabulous and I’m excited to see what the drama is all about. There will be no rose ceremony so I’m thinking someone bows out. Who will be the one to go? Gia’s mom is like one of the Sopranos, so maybe she’s the one who “disappears”.
We are getting close to the end and it keeps getting better. I love this show. I love Mike Fleiss. I love Vienna. If Jake dumps her, she should be the new Bachelorette. That will make for some great television.
To the virgin, you’re better off out of there. To Ali, you are a mean girl and your days are numbered. To Tenley, you are just too sweet and need to run away. To Vienna, keep on fighting sister and don’t let them be joy-suckers!