Billy Crystal’s Best Oscar Lines

With the “When Harry Met Sally” star returning to emcee the Academy Awards for a ninth time, we look back at his greatest hits so far

Last Updated: November 10, 2011 @ 5:32 PM

Billy Crystal has signed on to replace Eddie Murphy as host of the 2012 Academy Awards, making it the ninth time that he will have presided over the movie industry's biggest night.

Also read: Breaking: Billy Crystal Will Host the Oscars 2012!

There's a reason they keep going back to him. Since his first go-round at hosting the Oscars in 1990, the funnyman has been a reliable laugh-generator, keeping the humor irreverent and sharp without venturing into Ricky Gervais territory.

While the world waits to see what he comes up with this time around, here's a look back at Crystal's best zingers, burns and one-liners from his past performances.

>> (While dressed as cannibalistic serial killer Hannibal Lecter from "The Silence of the Lambs" in 1992, when the film won five awards): "I'm having a few of the Academy for dinner tonight …"

>> (Getting a little fishy with 2003's Best Animated Feature winner): "Good news, they found Nemo. The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries."

>> (Taking a holy poke at Mel Gibson's gory Jesus biopic): "'The Passion of the Christ' opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday."

>> (Giving a playful jab to both "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" and diminutive actor Danny DeVito): "All of the hobbits' wardrobe is now for sale at The House of DeVito, if anyone is interested."

>> "Matt Damon is so young, the results in his category were tabulated by Fisher-Price Waterhouse." (Actually, Damon was 27 when he won a screenplay award for "Good Will Hunting.")

>> (Making a nod to the Lewinsky scandal's chief recording engineer): "A billion people are watching tonight — except for Linda Tripp, who's taping it."

>> "You know Johnny [Depp's] nominated for playing [then-MPAA president] Jack Valenti's worst nightmare — a slightly gay pirate." (Reflecting on Valenti's obsession with internet movie piracy.)

>> (In reference to the hardest-working man in show business, Regis Philbin): "Welcome to Oscar 2000, or as ABC calls it, Regis' night off."

>> (In 2004, noting how the more things change, the more they stay the same): "It was 13 years ago when I first hosted the Academy Awards, and things sure have changed since then. George Bush was president, the economy was tanking, and we had just finished a war with Iraq. Yeah, things really have changed."

>> "I'm a sucker for a free tuxedo." (Said in 2006, as he hosted the ceremony for a sixth time.)


Looks like you’re enjoying reading
Keep reading by creating
a free account or logging in.